Valentine’s Day. The day of love. Hearts. All things pink and red.
And Mommy Angst.
I posted some pictures of the Valentines I put together for Henry and the ones that Lucy picked out this year.
Not thinking much more of it other than simple social media sharing, I was surprised by the response. Almost immediately, there were comments of “I’m a slacker, my kids got the tear apart cards” and “My poor kids got the box from the store. Maybe next year…”
On the flip side, as I scrolled through my insta stream, I saw moms snapping pics of kids making individual, personalized, glitter and sequin bedazzled cards for each of the 30 kids in their class…making my print and staple versions look pretty hokey.
But really, I shouldn’t have been surprised. Because we moms do this to ourselves. I don’t think blogs and social media have caused this game of comparison and shaming (of ourselves or others), but it’s certainly heightened things.
Even without blogs, we size each other up at the play ground, at school pick up, Sunday church, and even by the items in each other’s grocery store carts. Preservatives? Sodium? Are those bananas organic? LUCKY CHARMS???!!! No wonder her kids are so hyper! Humph.
I could go on and on. But, there have been far better blog posts written on the topic.
I guess the angle I want to take is this:
Your kids are not “poor kids” because you buy the box of Dora cards from WalMart.
I know this. Truly. And do you want to know HOW I know this with absolute certainty?
Because I grew up in lower middle class suburbs of Los Angeles. Raised by a Portuguese grandmother who knew nothing of crafts, acrylic paints, or Tacky Glue. Frankly, she probably didn’t even know what the heck Valentine’s Day was, except that I certainly knew and begged her to buy me a pack of Rainbow Brite cards and some Smarties or a pack of Rolos to scotch tape on top.
Were there kids in my class that brought handmade cards and fancy cupcakes? Probably. But you know what? I don’t really know. Because I don’t remember. It didn’t stand out. Not the fact that someone else’s mom was the secret DIY blogger before her time, nor because I felt bad that I had the pre-printed kind that had the bumpy tear apart edges. I was just stoked that I got to skip around my classroom and deposit candy to my friends. Period. (although I did totally stress if I ripped a corner)
Do you really think my kids care one iota that I surfed Pinterest, downloaded a free printable, and put together a somewhat homemade treat?
No. No they do not.
Do you think my kids would have felt slighted if they showed up to school with the same Valentines as their friend? No…in fact, they’d probably be jazzed.
So why did I bother? If I don’t believe I am a better mother for it…and if my kids don’t even really care (or notice!), why would I bother at all???
Because I want to.
That’s it.
I have a couple of crafty bones in my body and making Valentines is fun to me. Did you catch that? This isn’t so much about my kids as it is about me being able to do something somewhat creative and fun and easy and quick. It’s MY creative outlet…that I can actually start and finish in a somewhat timely manner. (Although let’s be honest here people…I’m not inventing these Valentines, I’m straight COPYING them.)
Look, this same thing happens every Halloween.
I make/put together Halloween costumes for my kids. One year it was all about the Disney princesses and last year we went uber nerdy with Star Wars.
I sewed, hot glued, thrifted, felt cut out, and even made the treat bags to match. I loved it. I love how they turned out and I loved the process. Oh yes, yes I did. And there were plenty of folks who saw my pictures and bemoaned their store bought versions.
Am I a better mom because I didn’t just buy the polyester gig at Costco and a neon pumpkin pail? Do I pull out my Judging Eyes because you did?
Nope.
You wanna know my all time favorite Halloween costume as a kid?
Boom.
The plastic witch mask and weird rubbery bag dress. I distinctly remember what that plastic smells like. I rocked that stupid mask. I thought for sure everyone thought I was a witch in real life. I was legit.
The fact that my grandma took me to Woolworth’s and had me pick out from the cheapest rack of costumes did not once enter my little kid mind.
In fact, I’m secretly bummed that it’s sold…because I pretty much want to buy it. Just to have. Nostalgia makes you want to spend money in weird ways.
Are there moms that wear a chip on their shoulders because they do the handmade deal? Oh totally. I will have you know that I have seen the moms who write things like “Just because you are too lazy or unwilling to do these special things for your kids…”
SERIOUSLY?!
Get. a. life.
You do this stuff because YOU like it. You do this stuff because YOU think its fun. And that’s okay. It’s not a bad thing. I mean, hello? I’m doing it too! Will your kids get a kick out it? Totally. Will it make up some of their childhood memories? No doubt. Smiles all around.
But please don’t make more of it than it is.
Your kids will like whatever you do. Whether it is homemade or store bought. Rock your favorite method to your heart’s content, but don’t turn it into some measure of your worth or efficacy as a parent. Your kids just want YOU. Your attention. Your love. Your time. The details are just details. As my husband would say “They’re in the noise.”
Do not define your motherhood by your DIY skills. Or lack thereof.
Look, you wanna know what would make me a way better mom?
If I didn’t yell at my kids so dang much.
If I took them to the park more.
If I spent time imparting God’s grace and love.
If I was intentional in teaching them to love and serve others.
THAT’S the stuff that makes me and you a better mom.
Not that I will make pink, heart shaped pancakes tomorrow morning and serve them with strawberry milk. Yes, that is what is for breakfast tomorrow at the Casa de Gibson. Will my kids remember Valentine’s Day breakfasts? Probably. But I promise you that if you toss a bowl of Trix in front of your kids tomorrow morning…they’re not gonna freak out and need therapy for it.
They’ll need therapy. But not for that.
So just relax, take a deep breath, and rock on with your bad mama self. Store bought or blogworthy.
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Love that you’re so down to earth. THats why I love following your blog. Here in the UK we don’t do valentines, apart from a husband/wife card etc. I’m so glad! x
very well said! last night as i was designing dillon’s valentine’s cards on the computer jason was so annoyed. he kept telling me just to go to target and pick up a box of cards. i told him to shut up and let me do my thing because i enjoy doing it and it makes me happy. plus, dillon was totally into what i was doing, so that was bonus points for me :)
I love this. So true. The Valentines are adorable… as are the store bought ones that kids get so excited about because they have their favorite character pictured on the front. Great post!
Jenni´s last blog post ..{Weekend in Review} Valentine’s Day Prep, Party, & Portland Bloggers Meet-Up
I love this message so hard. You keep speaking the truth girl! Have fun. Eventually, kids will be too old for the Valentines and such, mine is 14 – too cool for all that mess ya know. : )
Perfect. We did store bought ones for my son’s first real Valentine’s day school party – he had so much fun sticking the sucker in the card. It was those moments that I spent with him that was important to him (and me!) This was a great post – I’m sharing it! More moms need to know, its okay!
Lindsay´s last blog post ..Oliver Gets A New Room
I couldn’t have enjoyed this post more. Love your thoughts on all of it- really rings a bell. I can’t wait to come back to read more of you through the future :)
Sky´s last blog post ..Pretty Well Random
I love you, and every last word of this post. Amen, sister! I thought I was being all pro-active and purchased some super cute artistic Valentine’s on Very Jane a few weeks ago for my 3 yr old’s class. Only to realize, tonight, that I forgot to buy candy or a treat to put with them… So, off to Pinterest I went & found the perfect free printable to go with that 12-pack of Pirates Booty that I bought at Target yesterday (which was intended to be for my older kid’s snacks next week…) Oops, but actually, SCORE for me!!! ;) I’ll save those cute V-Day cards I bought for next year, or something…
Excellent post. You are 100% right. I have been a teacher of economically disadvantaged children for many years. I have NEVER seen fancy cards. The only homemade card I have seen is when one student made a handwritten note in pencil, on notebook paper for every student in her class because her family could not afford to buy the box of cards at Walmart.They are thrilled to run around the room delivering to their friends and if they have candy taped to them, all the better. I keep a few boxes in my closet for those whose parents don’t buy them any cards for their friends. These kids are just as happy (I think) as those with the most adorable, fancy, crafty, glittery cards. Now sometimes I will have a PInterest moment making things for them but that’s ok…I’m the teacher.
That faint static-y sound you’re hearing is the sound of resounding applause from two towns over.
I love the way you encourage us moms, and I was almost in tears when you mentioned nostalgia and the ways we spend because of it.
Happy Valentines Day, Mama!
I totally agree! My son is only two, so he doesn’t really even understand valentines day, but I’ve had fun coming up with ideas for his class. This post made me think about when I got hassled for “overdoing” it on my sons first birthday. Was he actually going to care or remember all the hard work I put into it? Nope! But I would, and that’s what mattered! Thanks for keeping it real!
Erin Monaghan´s last blog post ..Caleb- 8 months
Awesome post ! I enjoy crafting and making things for my kids…it’s just my thing :)
Awesome Awesome AWESOME post!!! I totally believe that WE as mothers put the pressure on to make everything perfect or unique. This year I let the kids pick out their valentines from target, get their favorite candy to attach to it and you know what they LOVED it!! As did I! No stressing on this end and watching them stick those little red hearts on made me smile. It’s unfortunate as mothers that we put that pressure on ourselves or even each other, because as you stated they are not going to remember who handed out which valentine, they will just remember the feeling of LOVE.
Heard a great phrase yesterday. “Don’t be a party martyr.”. If you want to do something and say you will, just do it without complaining. That can probably go for judging the ones who just said no to it as well. Great post.
Amy Tilson´s last blog post ..(in)Courage Community Groups – Spring 2013
Thank you so much for this! We do store bought valentine’s, but my son loves to do hand-made gifts for every adult at the school who touches his life. For every holiday, even the tiny ones, like St Patty’s Day. This means 16 gifts every few weeks and I do most of the work. But, like you said, I WANT to do it, too. He spends more waking hours with these people than he does with me! They should know that we appreciate them. Everyone’s love language is different. I don’t do it to impress anyone, but my son is so proud of his projects and takes great joy in delivering them. He starts middle school next year and is excited to get to add the extra teachers to his list. :)
Best valentine’s day post ever. I try to remember that my kids need my sanity more than they need All The Things. And also, there is not a single woman on earth that is capable of everything. We all do some things and ignore other things and we’re jealous of the things other women can accomplish without realizing they don’t do things that are important to us. I have a garden because pulling weeds and planting seeds rejuvenates me. Watching my chickens fills me with life. I have a friend who vacuums when she’s stressed because cleaning calms her. You love to craft (as does my daughter who did her valentines completely by herself this year. Each one hand crafted to imperfection). I promise I won’t make you feel like you “should” have chickens if you don’t make me feel like I “should” hand make my kids Halloween costumes. I promise not to be jealous of my friend’s perfectly decorated and cleaned home if she promises not to be jealous of my completely home grown salad. Okay? Okay. =)
I have tears streaming down my face. This was everything I needed and more tonight. I’ve spent the last few days (weeks) beating myself up hard. Feeling not good enough at everything and like I suck at life. As my 5 year old was signing his store bought Spiderman cards tonight (not happily by the way – it was a battle) I thought about how un- fancy and not homemade they are. I’m so glad you shared. Thank for your honesty. You are amazing. I love your blog.
Amen sista! Seriously – I couldn’t agree more. I’ve done both ways – last year I melted crayons into fun heart shapes – and they were a hit! But my older kids could have cared less. so this year we had leftover boxes of various valentines so my big kids filled them out all by themselves and put the candy on themselves, too – they LOVED it and I think were actually shocked I only watched! We as adults, need to remember that our kids love the simple things. We may think the simple things are boring, but looking back on my childhood, I was beyond thrilled to receive anything in a cute container….hello $1 at Walmart! :-)
Lindsay´s last blog post ..Before & Almost After {Kitchen Hutch}
I love you times infinity. I’m completely convinced that we would be friends in real life. We would sit and talk and forget about the kids until it was eerily quiet only to find them playing an epic game of make believe princess warrior robots. It may sound creepy or stalker ish but you have the ability to remind me that motherhood is about me, what I want to do, what I choose to do, and that I do it all for my kids. Who in fact always love me anyway. Xoxo
Absolute Mommy´s last blog post ..Sometimes being a mom…
so true! so many pressures to do so many things that really don’t matter. i love the memories i have from my “simple” childhood and do my best to still give that childhood to my children. all the pinterest and crafty stuff – that’s just for me! :) and i do my best to keep it all in perspective. happy valentine’s day!
Hit the nail on the head. I look at things other people have done for their kids on V-day and try to remember that what my kids need is different, and what I’m doing is customized to what I’m good at and what would be special for them. Thank the good Lord they don’t need a sewing project in order to feel special tomorrow!
Jacquelyn Moses´s last blog post ..And the winner is … me!
sweet post jeanette!
i like your style.
You hit the nail on the head with this post. Ditto to everything you said. Love this blog for this very reason!
Brittnie (A Joy Renewed)´s last blog post ..Clara 9 months
Great attitude and so true. I’m 64 (today) and way past the kids valentine parties. I confess to do doing some of what you were talking about because I wanted everyone to know I was a good Mom. Confession is SO GOOD. AND you’re right, my child need therapy but not for that. I’m so glad to hear some one be practical and do what you WANT to do. Love your blog!
A to the MEN my pink-heart-shaped-pancake-making-sister!! I could have written this blog post (albeit with a lot of grammatical errors). *I* made valentines for MY valentines – just 3. The 8yo was perfectly happy with some guitar shaped ones I got ( on sale) from Current. If he’s happy, I’m thrilled.
First time reade – love your blog.
I love this message, it is so important to do what best serves you and your family. One of my close friends hates valentines day, but loves crafts, so she did go on pinterest and make a very cute valentine holder box. But I would probably just ask my kids (i don’t have any at this point) what they want to do. If they want to do a craft, I’d give them a budget for the supplies, if they just want to buy one, fine.
Katie´s last blog post ..Find Your Love
Yes, the yelling! This was so well said. Thank you! Happy Valentine’s Day, crafty Mama!
Jessica´s last blog post ..not enthused
Darn straight, sista. I seriously cringe when I get a “I suck.” comment after I post a photo of what I did. 1) dont make me feel guilty. 2) why do you suck because i have more time than you?
Also? They all end up in the trash, people. All of them.
karri´s last blog post ..What I Wore Wednesday
Loved this post. I did all kinds of stuff like that for and with my kids when they were young, just because I liked it, and had fun doing it. :) Thankfully (!!) every Mom isn’t cut out the same, what a boring world it would be!
AMEN! Preach it, and keep preachin’ it! :)
Becky´s last blog post ..mushy
I bought cards and was proud that I chose to do so!
I have NO TIME these days. I did not want to add another to do on my list!
I was SO TEMPTED to MAKE cards and search on pinterest for ideas but I held back and bought them instead. Hard choice believe it or not, but I know it was the right one for me and my stress level these days!
such good stuff….and if you like making your kids treats, you’d better do it while they are young, because they grow up way too fast and they will totally not be caught dead with a homemade by mom valentine! Trust me, I know.
Thanks for keeping it real!
Lisa Quick´s last blog post ..on the other side of last week
Just wanted to say that I’m one of the people that posted something to the effect of “my poor kids” on IG. But I in no way feel sorry for my kids. My two-year-old got to hand out Minnie Mouse cards that came with pencils and she pretty much thought that was the best thing ever. I am so sorry if it came across as me judging you because that is so not what I was doing! It was just your picture that kind of made me realize that she’s probably going to be bringing home lots of homemade cards and I was feeling slightly guilty. For two seconds. And then I moved on :) Thanks for your honesty!
Erin´s last blog post ..On making friends
I used to make my kids make their own valentines, until I realized that it wasn’t worth all the stressing (mine and theirs). And I wasn’t saving money by doing it because we had to buy candy anyways. // I usually make something for my kids though. But this Valentine’s Day I outdid myself. And by that, I mean I did nothing. The day kind of snuck up on me and I had no time to do the usual red themed heart shaped stuff. Oh well. We’ll live. They know I love them. And I’m so over comparing myself to my super-mom ideal. I am a super mom, even when I am not super. // Happy Valentine’s Day to you! xo, ab
Anne @ anne b. good´s last blog post ..We Fell In Love (Twice) – or – The Post In Which I Talk About How We Fought To Save Our Marriage
Thank you so much for sharing this! I love being creative for my girls and with my girls but also know that there are times when I have too much going on to do so. I get weary of others making me feel guilty when I do take the time to be creative. But, like others have mentioned, those moms are better at other things (like cooking!). We encourage our kids to be individuals, why do we try to put ourselves in a box?
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I never realized that comparing Valentine’s was a THING until I saw SO much of it this week. To each his own, just like all other aspects of motherhood. :) GREAT post.
Julie S.´s last blog post ..Valentine’s Day Mug Swap
This was awesome. Thank you. Very well said.
I LOL’d because I totally bought two boxes of VD cards at Target and had fun setting them up. My kid doesn’t care about that stuff. I don’t either. I love reading your blog and seeing all the super crafty stuff you do (and I don’t know whether to love you or hate you for turning me on to Kelle Hsmpton. Just saying. Girlfriend has mad craft skills. But I digress.) but I guess I’m just a geezer because I don’t care if some moms craft up their cards and some buy them. I’m too worried about my own schtuff to pay attention to what other folks are doing. But I will say that WOMEN need to stop picking on each other.
That, my friend, is no bueno.
Cheers,
Caryl
It is so wonderful to hear this from a mom who does that stuff with the kids. You usually only hear it from those that don’t.
Either way, it is truth. Thank you!
Love.this.post. so very much!! thank you.
Candace´s last blog post ..InstaFriday!!
I used to be that mom who would make the homemade stuff, you know, birthday party invites with cutouts and a ribbon tied to the top, then I realized that everybody throws that stuff away. NOBODY will keep those pinterest valentines; they’re gonna go in the garbage with all the fill-in-the-blank cards from the dollar store.
Melissa from the Blue House´s last blog post ..About Valentines Day and Grammar Nazis…
Love this. I have done personalized photo based Valentines for the last couple years. This year I was like “whatevs” and went store bought with lollipops taped on with cute tape. Done. Felt good to let it go. ;)