Yes, I posted already today.
Yes, I’m posting again.
Because you guys, I am so ridiculously angry right now and I have to vent.
I needed a few things from the store so I thought I’d change things up by going to Trader Joe’s. (For those of you out of state, it’s kind of a healthy/organic chain of stores.) We rarely go there, but they have bitty little kid carts so I thought Henry and Lucy might get a kick out of pushing around their own mini cart. They were threatened with death if they weren’t calm and behaved before we left the car. They really wanted to push the carts so they were on extra good behavior so as not to die today. Smart move kids.
As we walked towards the entrance, an elderly woman was seated outside at a table collecting signatures for a petition of some kind. I don’t know what it was for, and I wasn’t really in the mood to listen to political rants (even if I agreed with it). I just wanted to buy a few things and get some fresh flowers and get back for naptime.
Henry and Lucy were quietly holding hands (as they are instructed to do whenever we walk through parking lots). Jill was on my hip, and Walter was baking in my overextended tummy. No one was making a peep. Everyone was just…there.
“Are you registered to vote in this county?”
“Yes, but I’m not interested right now. Thank you though!” (I really do try to be cheery and smile. I figure people who solicit outside of stores get a lot of rude comments or downright ignoring, the least I can do is decline kindly.)
“Okay.”
I continued on and grabbed a cart from the rack next to her. She surveyed my kids. Looked at my belly.
“Are you a homeschooler?”
“Not yet. But next year I will be!” (We’re doing a hybrid program through our local public district. It’s a charter school based on classical education where Henry will go to school twice a week and I’ll homeschool him three times a week.)
She smiled a tight lipped smile and I continued on my way inside.
And then I stopped in my tracks.
Wait. Why did she feel the need to ask me that??? Hold on here!!! Does she randomly ask everyone who shops at Trader Joe’s if they homeschool? Doubtful. What’s up Judgy McJudgerson?! For someone who I bet considers herself all progressive and forward thinking she sure had a really big pair of judging glasses on…
I tried to give her the benefit of the doubt and offer the theory (in my head) that perhaps her petition had something to do with education…but if that were true, wouldn’t she continue on trying to get me to listen to whatever it was she was petitioning for/against? Why stop there?
Did the fact that I had three little ones and another on the way somehow scream “HOMESCHOOLER!!!!” I mean, nothing else would have tipped her off.
After all, I had actually changed out of my uniform of yoga pants and had actually put on a pair of jeans and a cute turquoise top with lace detailing. I was wearing make up, my hair was done and I was even wearing jewelry. My kids were all dressed in cute clothes and being uncharacteristically well-behaved. (Remember the death threats in the car?)
I wasn’t wearing a denim jumper, nor was I sporting a turtleneck, or a springtime bonnet tied under my chin just so. My kids weren’t wearing matching polos. They weren’t reciting math facts. They were just…standing there. Jeans, camo shorts, rainbow sandals, and flowery tanks. I couldn’t come up with a single other thing that might be considered the stereotypical/hollywood version of a homeschooling family.
Except of course for the fact that I had three, almost four, little kids.
I was seething through the store. I mean, that’s so rude! Sure, it turns out her assumption/suspicion/judgement was right…but that was a decision we only recently made and well, it was one of those moments where you can tell she wasn’t just saying it. She was judging it. You know?
Ohmyword. So THEN, another elderly woman asked me: “Are they ALL YOURS?!” Did I hear a sneer in there or am I on edge?
“Yes they are.” Smiling. Always. Because if I don’t force myself to smile I might let more words than I intend slip my lips.
“Wow. They’re all so young.” And then proceeded to shake her head disapprovingly and tsk at me! As if I had a giant tattoo of a naked lady on my chest or told her I smoked a bowl of weed five minutes ago.
“They are. But the girls are twins and I really couldn’t decide which one to give away so I decided I’d just keep both of them.”
And I walked away.
My goodness people! I don’t walk up to you and ask “Are those dentures? Well, I guess you didn’t floss enough as a kid.” Nor do I ask any other such personal thing of complete strangers at the grocery store. Because, you know, it’s none of my business and honestly, I really don’t care.
Ironically, it was the young 20-something girl with a giant tattoo on her arm and a nose ring that looked at my kids and smiled and waved.
Dear readers, can I please beg something of you? I’m on my knees imploring you: don’t allow yourself to get grouchier as you get older. Don’t let yourself be icky and judgemental and black hearted as the years move along. Protect your hearts, even as your bodies fall apart. Because the young moms shopping alongside you could use a sweet smile and a kind word and you might the only one to give it to them.
If it weren’t for the fact that my kids are napping, I seriously think I would drive back over just to ask her why she asked me that. I mean, maybe it was innocent? Or maybe she’s a snarky old crab.
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I’m going to go with snarky old crab. Some people really DO need to just keep their big mouths shut.
Sunday Stilwell´s last blog post ..Oh CRAP it’s Wednesday!
oh goodness gracious. sorry you had to deal with that today!
i’m so sorry that this was your day today. i HATE that crap. especially when pregnant, everything is magnified. at least the kids were behaving though, good for them :)
but i have to say, though it was at your expense, i just full on snorted out loud and began crying laughing at this: “the girls are twins and I really couldn’t decide which one to give away so I decided I’d just keep both of them”… mostly the fact that you said it *out loud* to the lady?! hilarious!! that’s the kind of stuff i think of twenty minutes later, but i’m never quick enough (or brave enough) to say it right away, to their face. good for you! so thanks for the belly laugh. i SOO needed it today. (also the denim jumper and the bonnet… dying!)
and i totally agree with your advice/plea. there is no reason to grow old and become judgmental and crabby and unlovely. no reason at all. what in the world does three “little” kids have to do with anything? at some point in every mother’s journey, their kids are little. am i right? you can’t help that. you gotta start somewhere, don’t you? were you supposed to space them out 6 years or something? why does that matter to anyone? i will never understand why people care.
anyway, thanks for venting. i hope it was as beneficial for you as it was for me!
aly allen´s last blog post ..instafriday #18
I blogged it because I was mad, but also because it was a good story…and I know I’m not the only one who gets the rude comments. I really feel terribly for Mrs. Duggar though. Holy moly, I can’t imagine!
You know what? It’s the old grouchy ladies that push by me and my wheelchair-bound daughter, and give me nasty looks for parking in handicapped parking, you know, with my ACCESSIBLE van and all. They are by far the segment of the population that is the worst to me (and my daughter). And there are a some that are ADORABLE and kind. But, I’m not the only one that has noticed this with my disabled child.
Jenny´s last blog post ..Chasing the sandman
That’s so gross. We haven’t had that specifically since JIll’s disabilities are mostly invisible so far, but once I parked in a handicapped spot while I waited for someone…in a completely empty parking lot…at night…with the car still running…and I was still in it ready to move the second anyone needed it, and two elderly men chose to sit there and very loudly discuss the fact that I was taking up a disabled parking spot I had no right to park in. So, I opened the door, popped my head out and oh so sweetly said “Actually, my daugter is disabled and I have a placard in my center console. Would it make you feel better if I put in on the mirror?”
(I was totally lying though…Doc has offered me a placard, but I’ve declined so far…but I could have had one!)
I have a four year old, two year old, and a 5 month old and we get looks, shaking heads, and “Wow, you have your hands full” all.the.time. It’s rude and inappropriate! It’s none of their business. Even if your kids were acting like crazy children. I’ve come to the conclusion that anytime you have more than two children you have too many. I have three kids under 4, who cares! I get asked if we are having more and while no more will be coming from my womb, we will be adopting from China (hopefully!) in a few years. People think I am nuts!! I loved your response about Jill and Lucy! I was nursing with a cover at a snooty mall one time and my husband and children were sitting next to me. The looks we got! My husband said, “And we home school!” We don’t, but we might, but it was that stereotype that you got, ya know? Keep your head up, people are CAAARRRRAAAZZZZYYYY!!!!
People are insane. I sort of wish I was on a reality show just so it could be documented.
I don’t see how saying “you have your hands full” is rude. I get that comment once in a while and I only have a one-year-old. I think it’s just a way that people make small talk and they aren’t meaning to be rude.
Cindy´s last blog post ..Church
Agreed Cindy. Oftentimes and MOST times they ARE simply making small talk and not intending anything offensive by it. I hear the hands full comment DAILY. But sometimes it’s very clear that it isn’t with kind intentions. Very clear.
jeannett´s last blog post ..Ohmahword.
Sorry these ladies were judgemental. But it’s not worth getting upset about it. You do what is best for your family and ignore the meanies.
I have four little ones 6 and under and I work full time outside the home. Apparently, I did not get the memo that a mother is ruining her kids’ life if she has more than 2 kids and keep working – I get a lot of not so nice comments about it…it’s hard not to doubt yourself after a while but my kiddos are happy and well adjusted so I tried to focus on that.
Good luck for your homeschooling adventure. It sounds like it’s going to be really fun to have that 50/50 schedule.
Your kids are ruined. How sad. ;)
Number 1: Homeschool question: be flattered. She sees that you are a smart Mama who cares about her children and is vested in them. Don’t waste your mindwaves on anything else but that theory.
Number 2: The next woman is “tsking” herself for not having had more when she could have. And now her greatgrands are in Wyoming and Jersey and she misses them all something fierce.
Number 3: Amen to trying not to become jaded or bitter as we age. Sometimes I just wonder if people are in constant physical pain to never be able to crack a smile at a mom with Littles anymore. I’ve had seasons of pain, as I know you have with the rash and the twins and being 5’2″ and 38 weeks, and it gets freaky, but sheesh. The constant frown of an elderly person just makes me sad. I feel bad for them as I don’t know what causes them to frown at everone around them. But for the Grace of God…
I LOVE this response. Every word of it. But especially number 2. :)
Ah! I completely understand! We have some of those rude, judging elderly in our church. We made the mistake of sitting at their table not once, but twice for a meal. Oh,my. I only have 2 kids now, but the way they treated us. Wow. I walk at the same time as some of them, and as I hear them griping about every little thing, I pray and ask God to NOT let me be that way ever!
Sarah´s last blog post ..Boot Camp Week
Man, get to work Sarah! Keep spitting them out! If they’re gonna talk ish, you might as well give them something to really talk about!!!! Haters gonna hate…
I’m gonna go with snarky old crab! I have 4 kids and I get this a lot. Someone actually asked me once if I was worried about over population?! Really? I know what you are thinking… But no, I didn’t punch her in the face. I’m a good person like that ;)
I blogged a couple of months ago regarding people who judge families that decide to have a lot of children. The feedback I received with stories JUST like yours was amazing. It’s sad. In situations such as these that rise for me (which I know they will again) I’ll likely just belt into song. Maybe “Love in Any Language” or “Kumbaya”. That might take them off guard.
How annoying so sorry you had to experience that. I always wonder why people are so judgmental.
Andrea Merrigan´s last blog post ..Weekend Wanderings 3.10.12
I only have two, but we want one or two more. With the comments and stares I get now, I wonder if my skin is thick enough for more. It bothers me way more than it should, to the point that I hate going to stores without my husband some times.
I pledge to you now that I won’t grow up and become a mean old lady. I’ll be the one all smiles and shining from my sparkly attire (I don’t know why but I feel the need to sparkle in my old age:)
But that’s too bad some people are so judgmental. I’m super shocked the lady was so bold although you were too witty and clever for the likes of her. It makes me think of my Trader Joe experiences and sometimes its a hit or miss because you have some people that just don’t seem happy like I don’t even think there was anything bad in their day, they just choose to be cranky (these are the mean, no smile people that always seem in a rush) and then you have the people that seem nice and sweet that smile when you scoot by them in your cart, like I was actually at Trader Joe’s yesterday and I was totally indecisive of what kind of bread I wanted and kept going in circles around the bread baskets until I finally ran into someone because I was so not paying attention. The lady just smiled back and was like “oh sweetie, try the 4 cheese sourdough, its to die for”. Some people are sweet and some are just cray cray I guess.
I’m sorry this happened, but agree with the other ladies — don’t let snarky old crabs ruin your day. I’ve been on both sides of the fence. First of all, I’m a 40ish, overweight doggy mom who fought infertility for years. So I get the snarky, even the innocent, comments that just break my heart. “What, you haven’t had children yet?” “Why didn’t you adopt?” Like I’m some kind of selfish witch who wants all of her time and money to herself. (Not to slam women who choose not to have kids — it was just what I always wanted, so it was extremely hard for me.) And so I ended up tending my friends’ kids, as they had families, I became the babysitter. Which I loved. Until, walking with a 3 y/o and carrying a baby out of B&N one day, a lady says to me — “Let me hold the door for you! It looks like you’re ready to pop!” Fighting back tears, I simply replied, “Really, I’m fine, thanks. I’m not pregnant, just fat.” And then there was the day at McDonalds, with 7 kids (the two I tended, the two my girlfriend tended, and her three, one of whom is autistic) and a lady came up to me after she felt that her child had been bullied (didn’t happen, I was watching!) and made some snarky comment about “Are they ALL yours? Hhmph! You should watch your older boy better!” Like they’d be better behaved if I’d concentrated on one or two children. And I live in UT, so it is common to see large families, but apparently this offended her! After sitting with my friend, watching the kids play, and listening to this woman and her friend proceed to make nasty comments they’d be sure we’d overhear about my friend’s autistic daughter, who was actually being really well behaved that day, I turned to her finally and said, “You know, I’m not sure what your problem is, or who named you judge and jury. But the way I was raised, you don’t sit and insult a 5 y/o child or how she acts. Do you have any idea that she’s autistic?” To which the woman started stammering and stuttering, finally getting out, “But she looks so normal!” Well, there ya go. Not all handicaps are visible — like yours, where you judge people!!
Phew! All that being said, you’re right, haters gonna hate. But it just makes me so angry when they past on a fake smile, or glare, either one, and express their opinion when it’s not asked for. No one knows anyone else’s situation.
I am so sorry that those rude people did what they did and said to you…I, too, am 40ish and have struggled with infertility. Had two miscarriages after getting (miraculously) pregnant with IVF and get the “Why don’t you just adopt?” question a LOT after people ask my husband and I if we have kids and they get the “No, unfortunately our two children are in heaven” response (I don’t give details past that because, oh my GOD the judgement we would get then!) So why don’t we just adopt? Well, because we have to work SO hard to continue working our jobs so we can pay off the FIFTY THOUSAND DOLLARS we had to go into debt for our IVF treatments that we now don’t have TIME to parent. I hate judgemental people! And good for you for the “I’m not sure what your problem is” comment! I have to remember that one! {{{hugs}}}
I have a blog post sitting and waiting to be published about something similar. No one asks me about or says anything when I’m out with my 2 kids but when I watch a baby (3 days a week) and we go out, I’m constantly getting “oh my you are so busy” or “all they all yours?” and so on? It’s so funny how society thinks 2 is enough but if we go beyond that, we can’t handle it?
I don’t understand why people care. If you tell me I have my hands full will that make things easier for me? Will you go to bed and sleep better knowing you let me know how you feel? No, so move on. :)
Summer Crosbie´s last blog post ..Just tall enough
I am telling you, I’ve been there, girl. (sadly). I will never forget the time an elderly lady approached me in the grocery store and proceeded to tell me how I had no business having 3 kids so close in age (um, never mind 2 came at the same time, but whatevs). When she was done, I politely smiled and then told her to “go _ _ _ _ yourself” and walked off.
I vow never to be the crotchety, judgey person. I promise.
Karri´s last blog post ..TGIF!
I am a homeschooler and I do have a large number of children who follow me around most days. I’ve just learned to laugh it off. Today I was asked if all were mine 3 times (technically they’re not. the girls are my nieces but close enough. and why does it matter?!?). One older couple just laughed and were amused at the circus following surrounding our cart and the other two were shocked. I already have so much on my plate, I don’t have time to worry about or be offended by what others think. I know I’m doing a good job, even if it does seem like an outrageous, impossible task to others. :)
P.S. I LOVED your response about the girls being twins and not being able to decide which to keep. That was so funny!
Kelly´s last blog post ..We Mustache You A Question
crazyness!! but i did love your response; she totally had it coming!
I get the snarky over population comments and “you poor thing your hands are sure full” comments daily with my four. It’s so aggravating! Full and happy. Like full stomachs and bank accounts, and glasses of water, and gardens full of flowers. I usually answer with ” I know aren’t they fantastic! We have so much fun that I’m thinking about 10 more!” ( we’re actually done, per husband’s orders, but they don’t need to know that. I like the shock value on their faces)
Mari´s last blog post ..Run the Race
i have 3 kids and one baking as well and i get those comments too… also the comment, “you’re brave” seriously people. i am not a duggar and i don’t think 4 kids is an extreme amount of children! oh and i homeschool too. so i must be crazy or perfect… i’m not either in my opinion, but whatever. what i wouldn’t give to be a fly on the wall when you said that to the lady about the twins!
Trish´s last blog post ..the bestest granola bars evah…
I have 5… Totally get it. If it was me though I would of been totally messed up and probably confrontational I’m a wee bit emotional:)
Okay, I could be totally wrong, but the homeschooler comment may have been a compliment. I work with a group of 20 homeschooled kids for a few hours on Wednesdays and they are awesome, well-behaved, and smart. They usually have cute clothes too. So maybe, petition lady saw your well behaved kids and assumed you homeschool and that’s why they are so good. I am going to spin it that way in my head as not to think people are that blatantly rude. :-)
You know, I’m making a whole lot of assumptions myself…assuming she meant something bad by her question. And it could have been totally innocent…I really don’t know. I guess it’s just easy to go with the negative since I tend to get that a lot. But I like your idea better. :)
I’m new to your blog and love it. I’ve linked up with instafriday and plan to from now on :) love your perspective.
How incredibly rude of these women to judge you! It’s so interesting to me (fascinating really) that the folks that often claim to be progressive and accepting are sometimes the least accepting and open to opinions and lifestyles that differ from theirs. It’s just too bad.
I for one LOVE different people. I noticed a woman with her two children at the grocery store the other day, and could tell that they were conservative Jewish. I really value diversity and religious freedom so I had to smile.
Hi! I’m new to this blog & really enjoy reading it. (I’m the one reading from phnom penh, if you get those blog stats & have been wondering about your cambodian fan!) I love kids & homeschooling, so I can appreciate the insult you’re feeling, but for myself, these things can seem to start of cycle of judgement within me. is judging people who judge still manifesting a spirit of judgement & anger? what does compassion & grace look like in these difficult situations, especially when we feel slighted & offended? as i said, i struggle with this often myself, but just thought i’d throw in those 2 cents. :)
amanda t´s last blog post ..snapshots [february 2012]
I TOTALLY agree with you. My own reactions, concerns, angry rants, and defensiveness come from a place of judgment myself! Especially since, as I mentioned in response to a comment above, that I’m assuming it was a derogatory question. Who knows?! But it is a good point and worth noting. Sometimes, as you will find, I like dramatic flair too…so sometimes a good story is a good story and I like to share it. :)
And so exciting to hear from a faraway reader!!! Hi! Thanks for chiming in! I love the discussion!
Hmm and then there are the blessings of large families and the days your kids don’t behave. Several years ago I went in Trader Joes with my 4 kids. The youngest 2 years old at the time would not sit in the cart and was screaming bloody murder about it. I couldn’t get past the front of the store because he was trying to climb out and I knew he wouldn’t behave if I let him out. My 10 and 12 year olds took my list and went and retrieved everything. So, we just checked out. I was so proud of them.
Eleanor´s last blog post ..Learning to get up and Waffles
Oh seriously. I’m not saying it makes more sense when the kids are all going sideways (and oh boy do I have those days too!) it just baffles me even more when they’re being really good. I mean, it’s not even like they’re bugging you or being annoying. They’re just standing there…breathing. Holding hands even! It’s no more helpful when they’re being looney, but I can *sort of* get that. Sort of.
People are RUDE. Plain and simple. I would like to smack both of those ladies. And what I canNOT understand is why they have to SAY something! Sheesh, when I think something negative about someone I don’t tell them! Why don’t others do the same???
No one’s ever asked if we homeschool, but you know I’ve gotten my share of comments. If only we lived near each other, we could go out together–and just IMAGINE the comments we’d get! And with your quick wit, oh man, I’d be in good company.
Love and miss that dear sweet family of yours!!!!!
Brianna´s last blog post ..Deciding to adopt
Honestly…I can’t IMAGINE the comments you get with SEVEN. I only have three (and a big belly). Is that a lot?! I never really thought it was THAT much. I wouldn’t say we have a small family…but I certainly wouldn’t classify us as a big family either. I would LOVE to go to the store with you. It would be hysterical. I’d bring a video camera. And we’d YouTube it. And be millionaires. Or something.
Personally, I think you’re overreacting and/or being over-sensitive. I doubt that any of these people were trying to be rude. And what’s the big deal about asking if you’re homeschooling? She was on the right track so I don’t see how that’s offensive. As for the other woman, could the tsk have been more of a sort of “disbelief” reaction like maybe she couldn’t imagine having that many kids so close together? Don’t think of that as a judgment, but as more of a compliment that you are doing a job that a lot of people couldn’t (or at least don’t think they could) handle!
Cindy´s last blog post ..Church
I like the option that she assumed I homeschooled because my kids were being good. :) (I’ll leave out the details about the death threats in the car!) Like anything else in life, it tends to come down to tone of voice. You can say the same exact words and depending on how you say it, mean very different things. Because if I posted every time someone said “you have your hands full”, I’d be posting everyday. There is a difference, and as I mentioned in my reply below to Debbi’s comment, there were FOUR others that same trip (!) who said the same thing and I could tell it was small talk/kindness. :)
jeannett´s last blog post ..Ohmahword.
I just have to respond. I think by some of these responses, some young women are growing into the crochety old woman they don’t want to be! Calm down, please.
The lady asking if you were a homeschooler could have been paying you the biggest compliment in the world! Well behaved children, holding hands walking obediently beside their mom, might have looked to her like you spend quality time teaching your children.
I’m not sure what the “tsk” was about by the other woman, but I’m hesitant to assume the worst. I’m an old lady now and I often ask questions to engage young moms. I might ask you (especially you, Jeannett, since your girls don’t look like twins – and perhaps not even the same age) if they are all yours. No disrespect intended – I’m just curious. Do you do daycare, or are all the kids yours? Truly it would be an innocent question. And, using the word “all” might simply be because one or some of your children look just like you and the other doesn’t necessarily (I’ve never seen dad, so I don’t know!). It’s just a question – don’t write more into it!
I also might comment, about you having your hands full. Again, I’m only trying to empathize. I’m trying to recognize you as a mom in the grocery store – that you are in a busy stage of life. I was never blessed with more than two children, but I can still remember how tough that stage of life is – I want you to see it doesn’t last forever and I came out fine and I understand.
Cool your jets! Don’t get offended by every comment somebody makes! Don’t assume they don’t think you should have more kids simply because they comment that you have a lot already. I would have loved more kids had God blessed us with them, but He didn’t – I don’t need to feel bad that we only had two and you don’t need to feel bad that you have seven, or ten. or twenty – how ever many He blesses you with. This might be a kind retort, “Yes, indeed, God has blessed with three children in two years! We’re swimming in over our heads and loving it!”
Also, just because someone is old doesn’t mean they don’t make mistakes. Maybe the “tsk” woman did have a multitude of kids and maybe she got in an argument with one of them on the phone this morning and maybe, yes, maybe she thought she shouldn’t have had all those kids and when she saw you she thought of herself 40 years ago and maybe she made a mistake and said, “tsk.” Is that a reason not to extend her grace?
I guess my biggest point is this, settle down, don’t get your panties in a wad over something a stranger asked and you TRULY don’t even know why she was asking. There may not have been anything more behind it at all – just curiosity, perhaps complimentary, maybe she wanted to engage you in conversation. Whatever, let it go. Don’t worry about them, concern yourself with growing the old lady you want to be – and I hope that’s old ladies who will engage strangers in the grocery store in conversation, old ladies who show grace to others and themselves and old ladies who can be empathetic with the young mamas of the next generation – even if those mamas don’t see it the same way.
Just one old lady’s different perspective on the whole thing. That’s my two cents.
First of all, Debbi: YOU ARE NOT AN OLD WOMAN! Good grief woman! ;)
I know, I know. I’m hormonal and pregnancy magnifies everything. I will say that there is a difference. I suppose what I should have included in my story (and maybe I’ll update the post?) was that there were two other middle aged women and another elderly couple there who DID ask me “Are they all yours?” but in both of those cases, they had kind smiles and their tone was warm. I ended up chatting with one of the women for a few minutes, as she also had twins (who were now in high school) and the elderly couple even offered up the “they grow up fast! ours are 67 now!). Perhaps the tone of the others was “off” and they didn’t mean it? I don’t know. But when the tone comes with a furrowed brow and an unkind tone of voice, there is a difference. And Debbi, I love you. Because I can TOTALLY hear YOUR tone asking the very same question…and I wouldn’t get all stressed out about it…just like I didn’t mind when the four others in the store who said something similar didn’t offend me either. :)
jeannett´s last blog post ..Ohmahword.
OK, first of all, can I hire Debbie Weeks to walk beside me through my day and talk me down whenever I get riled up? What a wise woman.
So today at the park with 3 of my 4, I watched a mom and dad wrangle 3 little girls and newborn twin boys. I was racking my brain to come up with some sort of encouraging word to say to the busy mama, worrying that no matter what I said, she might take offense. Honestly, what I really wanted to do was hold one of her crying babies for her, but the dad was hustling them to the van. And I didn’t want to appear stalker-ish. But you know what? I should not have worried about her response (to my words, not my wanting to grab her baby). I should just say something I consider to be nice and smile. Much the same way, I need to only think of my response to people who are seemingly less-than-encouraging. We know we’re blessed, Jeannett. Even if others don’t.
Just don’t ask if she’s the nanny. You should be good then. Or if they’re “natural”. ;)
And you CAN say she has her hands full…because SHE DOES!…but say it with a smile. Say it with a warm tone. Maybe follow up with something like “it’s hard some days, but isn’t it awesome?!”
jeannett´s last blog post ..Ohmahword.
…and did our women’s ministry director really write, “Don’t get your panties in a wad”? Awesome.
I’m sorry you had to put up with that. Some people are completely clueless and rude.
Just to play devil’s advocate, is it possible the first lady thought you were a homeschooler because you were out with your kids during the school day? When I was homeschooling, a lot of times I would get those questions, but often times if I talked with people, I would find out that their granddaughter or niece or someone else they knew homeschooled too and they were just trying to be polite, even if they seemed rude at first.
As for the second lady, that’s just rude.
I pose the hypothesis that those two elderly females have always been the judgemental type – I work with the over 65 population and can assure you, don’t judge an old lady by her blue hair.
Cheers,
Caryl
Oh yikes we have all had those times were someone just zings you at the right time, like when you least expect it. My Mother was the master at stopping those people in their tracks. She would laugh and engage them and see what was really their problem…lack of sleep, lonely etc…then she’d acknowledge their problem. She’d tell us (raised 4 girls) never let someone else’s bad personality/problems have an effect on you-
Pam´s last blog post ..Spring Cleaning? (cough)
I’m so surprised that people actually have this reaction to having a large family! My mom grew up in the 1950’s and was 1 of 6 kids — aren’t those old ladies from the SAME time period when that was totally NORMAL?! I just don’t understand!