A couple of weeks ago, I needed to run to Costco for a handful of things.
Henry and Jill were both at school, so I only had Owen and Lu.
So I’m loading O into the cart and Lucy is standing next to me.
A little old man walks up to get his own cart and says “You’re in 50% trouble, you know.”
I smile, but don’t understand…”Excuse me?”
“One boy and one girl. You’re in 50% trouble. Girls come back home when they are 30 and live with you.”
[Clearly this is a universal truth.]
“Oh, well then, I’m in a lot more trouble than that because I have two more kids…and another one is a girl!”
I smile, give him a playful wink and start to head off…when he straightens, gets real serious looking, clears his throat…
“You have FOUR kids?”
[Oh boy, here we go.]
“Yessir.” Smile wide.
I’m really trying to walk away without being rude.
Because, you know, I don’t like to be rude to perfect strangers. Funny.
“You’re stopping now, right?”
[Really, sir? Are you trying to have a conversation about my uterus right here in the cart corral at Costco? Shall we discuss your penis next?]
“Oh, I don’t know…maybe a few more would be fun. I mean, why not?”
[Okay, I really don’t want a few more kids…but now I’m being sassy and you know…a brat just to mess with him.]
“You realize you are contributing to overly populating the earth?”
“I actually do! And I think it’s fantastic. This world needs more kind, big hearted people in the world, and I’d like to think those are the type of children I’m raising, so it’s probably a good thing I keep having babies! Have a great day sir!”
And I…finally…walk away.
I do not understand this phenomenon. Of people who feel perfectly comfortable discussing my reproductive health and decisions in the middle of a danged parking lot.
But moreso, the phenomenon of just plain not having good manners. Do you realize you are being offensive? Did your mama not teach you to be polite? Yes, I’m fairly certain she did. Don’t embarrass her from the grave.
You guys, I get this all. the. danged. time.
Constantly. Not every day, but there is FOREVER some comment.
And then there’s my friend Kate who have FIVE kids and she even wrote a whole post about how she has NEVER had this happen. Ever.
It must be because we aren’t all blonde. Gotta be.
Because my kids can be insane, no question…and if they were being loud and crazy, I would get it. Totally. But I swear to you, 99% of the time I get some weird comment, my kids are actually being borderline angels.
And I’m even dressed. With at least some make up. So it’s not even like I look like a frumpy pajama pants mom. (Or maybe I do and I just don’t realize it).
I’m convinced if we were all blonde this wouldn’t happen. (Kidding. I think.)
Because a few days later…standing in line at TJ Maxx…with all four…the littles in the double stroller, the bigs just standing there…a woman in her late 40s/early 50s…wearing a very skin hugging, itty bitty skirt, a very skin hugging, itty bitty shirt, and very tall wooden soled shoes was a few people ahead.
Now, I’m being totally judgy here…because you know, it was kinda hard to not notice her. Girlfriend had a rocking body…even if some of it was very clearly of the plastic kind. Very plastic.
Ahem.
And she, no doubt, looked better in that outfit than I could ever pull off. So you know, I’m a little bitter.
She turns, notices my brood…her eyes WIDE…”Wow! That’s a LOT. You’ve got a handful!”
“Looks like you do too.”
[Okay, I didn’t say that. But oh sweet sweet anything and everything that is holy, I wanted to. SO badly.]
Instead,
“Yup.”
So here’s what I think:
I think God has these people say things to me because I need more exercise in self-control and sharpness of tongue. Because the words that I want oh so desperately to say…the ones that are half witty/half mean…it almost hurts to keep them in…they stay inside and I reach for the gracious words instead.
Because clearly I need to work on this.
(Oh, and Andy told me that one of the guys he works with on a project is an Antinatalist…part of which includes Voluntary Human Extinction. Something about choosing to not have children so that the human race dies out entirely for the good of the planet. I had never heard of this. To each his own, I suppose.)
Do you get comments from complete strangers? Do you bite your tongue or do you just let it fly?
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You are right on the mark with the reference to manners. I think social media has made us think we (and all of our stupid or valid opinions) are important in the world , so we are obligated to share them with everybody. Unbelievable!
You handled the situation with the old man beautifully. I only have one child (which was not my plan, but there are some things in life beyond my control…), but my heart goes out to people with big families who have to put up with such rude comments.
Yes, but I would imagine that having an “only child” brings with it ALL KINDS of opinions too. People are just crazy sometimes.
Oh yeah, I’ve definitely gotten some comments through the years. The standard ones about how only children are selfish and spoiled (little do they know that my son is about as sweet and thoughtful as they come). The worst was right around the time when he was two, because by that time there’s the expectation that there should be a second child (or at least one on the way). He always loved babies, and one time he was all over a baby at the library, and the mother told him “tell your Mommy to have her own baby”. That stung. If I could have had another baby, I would have. Now that he’s older, the comments are less frequent, which is a blessing.
I’m guessing that if I would see you out and about I would probably comment too. But it would be more along the lines of “They are so cute!” And, “wow, They are so well behaved!” Maybe even a, “You’re hands are full, but isn’t it the best?”. All laced with just a little bit of jealousy and a lot of, “I don’t think I could handle 4!”. I have one 8 yr old special needs son. AND, I’m pregnant with our 2nd son! As a child, I wanted 6 kids! Then I grew up and realized 3 is a more reasonable number for me. We thought we were destined to be parents of an only. It took years, but I had finally accepted that fact and was happy. Then surprise! The best surprise possible! Now I’m wondering how I’m going o handle 2 with an almost 9 yr age difference.
I get this frequently, especially because we have 3 girls. Oh the comments. I love what you said to the old guy, priceless!!
Love how you handle him. Some people are just rude. I think it’s wonder you have four kids. This use too happen to me when my girls were little. One has red hair like her daddy and one has brown hair like me. I can’t tell you how many times I was asked if they have the same father. I would just laugh.
Oh, I’ve gotten that too.
“They all got the same dad?”
Um, yeah. They do. Genetics are a crazy thing.
And you know? What if they didn’t? Then what?
We get the stares all the time…especially now even moreso with my belly protruding three feet from my body – ready to contribute another human to this earth in two weeks or less. It’s not just your fam, trust me : )
And I kid you not ~ just returned from Hobby Lobby and the checkout lady said, “Whoa!! You guys are busy, and one on the way!” To which my husband replied, “and there’s even another one!”
I was holding laughter in until we got outside because I had just read your post to my hubby and he said he was going to start telling people that we really enjoy sex!!!!!! He said that might end continuing comments real quick-like : ) I digress.
I have 4 as well (9 y/o twin girls, 7 y/o boy, 2 1/2 y/o girl), and yes this happens constantly! And funny enough it happens the most when we are at costco. I notice we don’t get “are they all yours?!” quite as much when my husband and I are together with the kids. I have had some positive experiences as well though. I had an older man tell me I was his hero and a “real woman” for having so many children. But like you I have also had the “your done now, right?” Like you said it’s really so rude! I am proud of my “many” children. Maybe the ones who say things to large families come from small ones. The comments might be more out of curiosity rather than rudeness. Either way it’s so annoying!
LOVE “are they all yours?” No, I just found a couple of them in the parking lot on the way in.
That is my FAVORITE line!! I am rarely out with ALL my children at once so when I have 4 or 5 with me and get “are they all yours???” I usually say-quite dramatically–“Oh, NO!” then very sincerely and sweet— ” There are 6 more at home!!!” I usually leave and let the poor soul pick their chin up off the floor.
Yep. We have 11. We are ruining the earth, one beautiful child at a time.
Yeah, I’m sassy sometimes.
It does amaze me what people feel free to say regarding children. Most people would never walk up to a kid and ask him if that was his natural blue hair and mullet, or comment to the lady walking her dog. I sometimes think people want to open a conversation and just aren’t very good at it but mostly I think they speak before they click “brain check”.
I just had an older man (probably in his 70’s) tell me “It looks like you’re ready to go!” yesterday at a library book sale. I’m 37 weeks pregnant. I said “Yep! 3 more weeks!” (I was just glad he didn’t ask me “Are you SURE you aren’t having twins??” For reals, if I was having twins I would know!) Then he said “Well if this one is as cute as your little girl (who is 5 and was showing me the books she had found), then you can have more.. If not, well then…” Then he started mumbling to himself how he got stuck with 3 boys. I didn’t really know how to respond to that… I decided to take it as a compliment, but I did feel him watching us as my 11 year old son came up and started talking to me too. I haven’t gotten too many comments on how many kids I have although that could change once I actually have the baby. Right now, it’s the comments about being pregnant that are making me have to bite my tongue. The “Are you sure it’s not twins” and “Whoa!” and I’ve had a couple people actually use the word fat on me… FAT! I am not fat! I am pregnant! I don’t say anything, but I don’t laugh with them either. They think they are being so very funny. Sorry… ranting about a different, but sort of related subject! :)
The funny thing is that I WAS actually having twins and people didn’t believe me. “Really?!” “You don’t look like it!” “My friend is having one and she’s bigger than you…”
Seriously. Yes. There are two. We’ve checked. Multiple times.
Also, I’m HUGE. HUGE. You need glasses.
i was JUST texting a friend about this yesterday! as a mom who jumped from 1 kid to 3 in a matter of seconds ;) i’ve gotten the comment “oh you’re gonna have your hands full” “better not get pregnant” like a bajillion times. the “you’ve got your hands full” comment bugs me to no end and I also don’t even get what they mean by it?! stating the obvious? being mean? just remarking that i have a lot of kids? anyway. thanks for letting me rant ;)
xo
not to mention the “are they yours” comments i get as an adoptive mom with kiddos who have a darker complexion than me. oy vey.
kara murano´s last blog post ..murano family update
I think it’s important to note the distinction in tone. Sometimes people are just trying to make conversation, or say SOMETHING. Lots of times, the comments are obviously innocuous. The person is smiling. No big deal. (Although it can still leave you struggling to find an appropriate response.)
But the times that flabbergast me is when it is CLEARLY judgmental. Body language, tone of voice, facial expressions…you know?
Also, yes. Adoption. Hello. Welcome to 2013.
yes totally! tone is everything! i have had a few very kindly make the comment with a smile & proceed to tell me that they’re littles are all grown up :)
kara murano´s last blog post ..murano family update
I talk to strangers about my uterus all the time. Usually people are nice and mean well, but sometimes they don’t. Sometimes people are SO.DANG.RUDE. But the whole overpopulation/big families are bad mentality is not terribly uncommon, is completely anti-Christian (even though plenty of progressive Christians buy into it), is rooted in the eugenics movement from back in the day, and sometimes I wish I lived under a rock. With my eight kids, my fully functional reproductive system, and my husband with HIS fully functional reproductive system. It would be crowded, but at least there wouldn’t be any jerks there! :) (And if someone comments over here about how moms-to-many should ENJOY peoples’ nasty comments implying their children should never have been conceived or born, I’m going to punch my laptop in the face.)
Brianna´s last blog post ..Curriculum tour
I know you do. And it makes me happy.
I have 2 boys, so I can’t say I’ve ever gotten any comments about how many I have. What I am tired of hearing is, “When are you going to have a girl?” or “Are you going to try for a girl?”. If I hear that one more time, I may just scream.
The thing with this is people don’t realize there could be underlying issues. Would I like another? Yes, I would love to have a little girl. Since the birth of my last child (4 years ago), my system/cycle has been really messed up. I’ve been to the doctor, who only put me on birth control to regulate it. My husband and I made the choice after a year of being on birth control, to stop taking it and to put it God’s hands. It’s been over 2 years and nothing has changed. In my heart of heart’s I believe He has decided to close my womb. Maybe for a time, maybe forever.
So it does hurt a little when people ask if we are having more. I just try to smile and tell them it’s in God’s hands. Because that’s where it is.
Oh I must say, I am learning to come to peace that I may only have 2. And that would be absolutely fine. My boys are my blessing.
We have 3 kiddos and I get the “You are done, right?” all the time. It especially hurtful when it comes from other mom’s. I really don’t understand why my uterus is up for discussion and why people think they have a right to comment. I always want to say something but like you, I bite my tongue. And I agree, it is very painful sometimes. My husband is so much better about making light of the situation when people comment, me, it annoys me the rest of the day.
Gah! People. I just. I just can’t. The amount of people that are interested in my reproductive system is astounding. People I do not know. My husband and I are planning to adopt (hopefully soon!) because we want to. Because we feel led to. And then all of the sudden people want to know what is wrong with my uterus. Ahem. Nothing – what is wrong with your mouth? It seems to have diarrhea.
And then – my sweet friend who is about to have her 7th baby… the questions she gets. Good Lord. My favorite is “You know how that happens, right?” and her response…..”Yes! And we enjoy it very much!”. haha – I love her!
That was indeed totally rude and uncalled for. However, I am blonde (lol) and I can assure that I get what I think is more than my fair share of rude comments on other subjects – so I don’t think being blonde would help much. Even my husband has noticed. He doesn’t get it why people treat me or talk to me the way they do. He is one of the most level-headed an objective people that I know and he usually tells me when I am the one that is out of line. That being said, your comment about it being God’s way of helping you learn self-control really hit home. It totally makes sense. I think it must be the same for me because this is something that I very much struggle with and perhaps this is God’s way of helping me work through it. Thank you for this post. I am going to copy that paragraph to remind myself of this the next time someone treats me rudely for no reason.
Dang.
I was hoping it was as simple as dying everyone’s hair. ;)
Families with multiple kids, please don’t take offense. I have one son and people love to tell me how lonely he will be as an adult and used to say things to him like “I bet you would love a brother or sister to play with” . I finally took to saying things about not wanting to overpopulate the world with brilliant blonde children, or how I have one to make it easy to write my will. Of course DS picked up on these comments people made and started asking about a sibling at one point. So whenever we see someone with multiple kids arguing at the store I turn to my son and say, “see, that’s why there can be only one”. Or ask questions like “would you like to have that much noise at our house?” I am discreet about it and DS really doesn’t want siblings unless he is bored. The idea of sharing parents doesn’t appeal to him.
Ha! The point I guess is mostly the issue of people speaking out of turn REGARDLESS.
On the flip side, when my kids as me to play with them, I tell them: “This is why I had more than one of you…so I don’t have to! Go find your sister!” ;)
Jeannette said: On the flip side, when my kids as me to play with them, I tell them: “This is why I had more than one of you…so I don’t have to! Go find your sister!” ;)
Oh.MY!! I am SO going to use this!!! DUH! It would have saved a lot of grey hair these past 27 years. Does it work when they are complaining about soandso being mean? “Go play with another sibling then.” Thanks for saving my sanity! ok. might be too late for that….
From strangers I get the am I the nanny comment all the time. Rude, but some days I can handle it better than others.
And on the reproductive thing, well not so much strangers but from my mother in law who thinks she knows when we should stop having kids, which is now. Mind you we have 2, and we want a 3rd. I don’t know what is worse, getting rude comments from strangers or from people you know. I need to practice more patience and have it roll off my back the way my brother does, because me, I get worked up in a tizzy.
I was a very young mom so the comments started for me a long time ago. I am now pushing 40 and have two beautiful granddaughters. I think the comments are worse now, people have a sense of entitlement to know my life history and no sense of tact when to shut up. I sometimes feel as if I have to tell people that it’s ok my daughter is happily married and employed. But instead I smile and walk away. A wise friend once told me you don’t have to tell them anything. I think it keeps them guessing.
My mom deals with a little of this too…when she tells people her daughter has four kids, they seem to automatically assume they are all out of wedlock and from different daddies (she lives in the suburbs of Los Angeles…apparently this is common)…so she has to reassure them that no, she’s married and lives in a house and her husband has a job and all that. And then they relax and smile and go “ohhhh!”
I just don’t get people sometimes. We have two girls and get asked all of the the time if we are trying for a boy. Really? Because apparently only having girls isn’t the correct way to do things.
I love the way you answered him! We get all kinds of ridiculous comments especially because my husband has no arms. I am trying to get better with those kind of responses. I get caught off guard with the ignorance of people and don’t know how to respond to them until they are gone.
Joni´s last blog post ..Feeling Blessed
Some people are just… nosy and inappropriate. My husband and I have decided to not have biological children. We are discussing adopting some teenagers waaaay down the line. The comments we get are just downright ridiculous sometimes! “You have to have kids, who will take care of you when you’re old?…what’s wrong with you… that is just so selfish…your life has no meaning til you have children…” It’s almost funny, how people think they can just say whatever pops into their little heads.
Ugh! Drives me crazy! We have 4 kids (within 5 years), so they’re all close in age and all happen to be girls. What gets my goat is when perfect strangers look at me and say, “Oh no, your poor husband”….”I bet he really wanted that boy”….”where’s the boy?” …what are my girls supposed to think when hearing this? “am I not enough?” One time we (my husband, kids, and I) were on vacation and walking past a booth with 2 women and they looked at the kids and asked it they wanted candy and then looked at my husband, saying “poor guy”…”you’re the one who deserves the candy for having to deal with all of this.” they didn’t even look at me, acknowledge that I was there or offer the mom any candy. I have bitten my tongue on more than one occasion and I’m afraid one of these times, I’m going to surely snap! Love your blog, btw
I have obnoxious face, so I never get this. I only have one child, but I’m pretty sure people leave me alone because I mean mug all.day.long.
Best,
Caryl
I should adopt this method.
Haha… I had this lady tell me I was as big as a whale in my 2nd trimester. I just stared at her while she laughed at her own joke. Finally her laughter stopped and I was still staring at her without even cracking a smile. She ended up walking away, I turned my head back to my son, and he said “You didn’t think that was funny, did you.” Um, no. Then I made sure he knew never to talk to anyone that way let alone a pregnant woman. :-) I have to work on my deadpan face more! I’ve always laughed when I felt uncomfortable and I realized I would do that so the person making the joke would be put at ease… Why am I trying to put someone at ease for insulting me? So now I’m not rude about it, but I’m not going to smile and make nice either if you’re being rude or insulting. It’s a work in progress!
Wow! That’s a first! I know we are entitled to our own opinions but to blatantly reflect yours on another person, especially in front of her children at the Costco cart corral… I’m speechless, but I loved your response and personally I’m glad to see you are bringing more healthy, happy, well mannered children to populate our wonderful planet.
I guess it is time.I have quietly stalked your blog for years! But this is my life every. single. day! I have four kids under 5. 4 yr old twins, 2 yr old and the baby is 4 months old. I get comments everywhere I go. And like you, my kids are usually being super good. I don’t get it. I hate it. I hate it for my kids. Especially the older ones who understand some of the ugly that comes out of people’s mouths. And if one more person tells me, oh you really have your hand full again… Lets be honest, I am going to smile and walk away like I always do. Cleverness always eludes me when I need it. Here is to big families-I think they are awesome! And who decided two or three kids is the acceptable or normal number.
Right? Not that it would be okay to be rude if the kids were being crazy, but at least that would make sense. Somehow it’s the times I’m super proud of their behavior!
P.S. thanks for commenting! Yay for de lurking!
This makes me happy. I never know how to handle the public with my crew of 6. Sometimes when I am out with only the twins and people make comments about them and then I say something like, “well they are number 5 and 6 for us” they just go silent, or start backing away like its a dieses they might catch. Just yesterday I had just this happen and then about 10 min later the person came back and said well since you have so many kids maybe you can anwser my question, and started asking me about her concern about her kids learn delays. I was like oh wow.
Tracy´s last blog post ..Help Fight Epilepsy
Look, just because I’ve had kids doesn’t make me an expert on ANYTHING. In fact, if there was anything I might have been an expert on at some point, I no longer am BECAUSE MY BRAIN IS MASHED POTATOES. That’s hysterical. And knowing you, you probably answered her questions. Because you are way nicer than I am.
haha..no you know what I did. I stared at her blankly as my mind raced with a million ridiculous thoughts, I could write a blog post. In fact you probably have been there, you should write a blog post. I was thinking seriously lady yours concerned your 16 month old isnt walking…you should be rejoicing. Less bumps and bruises. less falls less ER visits, but then I think if I say this and there really is a problem, she going to come back a sue the park mom with 6 kids for saying her kid was fine when she wasn’t. But then I want to smack her say really – does your kid fold in two like gumby, is she stiff as a board, does she have a pour suck swallow and there for can’t gain weight obviously not she is a monster compared to my 3-year-old no motor problem there, was she a preemie, does she show other signs of delays, no oh your an idiot, I think she probably is fine. Then I harness my niceness and say my best guess is if that is the only thing she is delayed in she just fine but I would always mention your concern to her doctor at your next appointment. So nice.
I have five girls and I get the rudest comments. I hear, “wow, you know what causes that, right?”, “Man, I feel bad for your husband”, “five girls, wow, were you trying for a boy?” The list goes on and on! What makes me angry is that they say these things in front of my girls, my precious girls who I want to feel like the gifts from God that they are! Some people are just plain rude and they don’t think before they speak.
Sometimes I feel like it would be awesome to say something really off-color just to stress them out. Like “I know! Can you imagine how much money he’s going to have to spend on tampons???!!! All that blood! Like a horror movie!!!”
And then just smile. As they puke in their mouths.
That would be pretty awesome.
I have 2 girls (both grown now), but because my oldest lived with my in laws for medical reasons, whenever I mentioned to my youngest about her sister, we’d get weird looks. It got to the point of “really, this crap again (I’m thinking)’ that I ended up explaining often to strangers that my oldest had to live away from us for medical reasons… not only was that like putting a hot sword through my heart, but I felt that I had no privacy. and with one child, I often got “are you going to have any other children?” If I had a nickel for everything cruel people said to me, I’d be a multi millionaire.
We have 5 kids; 3 biological, 2 adopted. It really seems to matter to some how these kids came to be in our home. When rude people make comments, I just look at my kids (teens) and we smile or roll our eyes; disrespectful? Maybe, but they don’t need to hear the negativity from dingbats at Costco (yes, having a large family it happens there to us too!)
Thanks for posting; it made me smile because we are not alone.
Blessings
xox
Susan @SugarBeans.org´s last blog post ..Some sister love {biddle}
I’m sharing this solely in case it makes you feel a bit better about the type of public comments you’re getting. It’s related in that this happens all the blinking time to me with strangers.
Apparently, I give off some vibe that makes complete strangers feel comfortable talking to me about their bowel movements/ GI troubles/ digestion. Mostly these strangers are older than me (I’m 40), but it’s been a phenomenon noted by my friends and my brother since I was in my twenties. Strangers just choose me to talk to about their bowels. It has happened in the grocery store, in other stores, at the library, at the park, once while in line to get on a flight at an airport…. those are just the instances that come quickly to mind. Some people are just friendlier and more approachable than others (that’s what I tell myself as an answer to the “why me?”) — and hearing strangers’ opinions or experiences is often the downside of that.
For the record, I do not wear t-shirts that say “Tell me super gross personal details about your GI health.”
I guffawed. Out loud.
I know someone else who this happens to all the time.
People are freaking WEIRD. But yes, somehow I think I must give off some “Please, tell me your opinions on the societal implications of human reproduction” vibe.
Oh, Jeannett, I’m sorry! I feel awful about my post now. I’m sorry that I made it sound like I must have the perfect family or something. You know how far from the truth that is! I guess we’ve just been lucking at running into the right people at the right time. :/ Your children are beautiful, inside and out, and it bugs me so much that people want to comment on how they think you shouldn’t have more. Not cool! Good job for standing up for your family to that older man at Costco. You’re amazing! :)
Kate´s last blog post ..Life With 5, Part 5 {Hospitality}
No no NO! Don’t feel bad! It didn’t make me feel bad…just scratch my head. And it was funny! The differences in what I experience, and what you experience. Truly. Don’t feel bad.
And I know you don’t have a perfect family. No one does. There are just things that some families are better at…and that they aren’t. For example, bedtime has always been easy around here. Put them down, tuck them in, give them a kiss. Done. But I know for friends that it can be TORTURE. It doesn’t mean we are perfect parents with perfect kids…just that for whatever reason, this is something that isn’t a struggle. But talk to me about eating veggies. Or cleaning rooms. OR BEING QUIET. Ha!
Oh my goodness! Some people…I had 4 boys in 4 years. My oldest has already gone home to be with the Lord but I get that statement, “you’ve got your hands full” all the time. Along with, “are they all yours?” I’ve started replying back “better than empty” which shuts them up. I know what empty arms feel like. I have never thought about perhaps God may be exercising my self control. Thank you for saying that because it has been thinking and doing some soul searching tonight.
Amy´s last blog post ..NO LONGER {an honest post}
I love it when people ask me if they are all mine in the grocery! As if this looks like a super fun field trip that I would take extra children along on? No dude, they are mine, and they have a brother in heaven so I have 5 kids in 7 years, thanks a bunch, total stranger let’s have this heart to heart in the line at Walmart! Yikes people! I usually just smile and say, “yes they are all mine” or “yes it’s a handful but a great handful!!” Kill ’em with kindness:)
I only have a 4 month old baby girl at the moment, but we’re hoping she will be the first of four. We’ve always wanted four kids and where I come from (a tiny island in Britain) having more than 2 kids is seen as pretty unusual, people just assume you will stop at two, the only valid reason to go for a third is if you had two girls and you’re holding out for the boy, or vice versa! I also need to learn to hold in the witty/mean comments, too. I get a lot of comments from people assuming my baby girl was a mistake… she was NOT… and even if she had been a surprise that wouldn’t make her a mistake! It’s amazing how people feel the need to share their way-too-personal, rude and insensitive thoughts with you.
Jessica´s last blog post ..Already
I feel your pain plus one. I have five kids and have received my fair share of rude comments. The funny thing is that we live in Louisville, KY, which is full of Catholics and Evangelical Christians…..so big families are certainly not that odd around here. Goodness I know several families that are larger than our own. I have a friend that has ten kids! My little bunch of five looks wee compared to her brood. Anyway….people still make rude comments to me. If I am lucky it is a “you sure have your hands full” comment and not one of the “you do know what causes that, right?” type of comment. Through it all I remind myself to bite my tongue. If I am supposed to be filled with Christ’s light then I certainly can’t let it shine if I am being snarky to some rude stranger in Target. It’s a battle but one I am determined to win. Soldier on Mom!
Shelby´s last blog post ..Homeschool ~ Week 5
I have ten. The comments run from intrusive and rude to funny and harmless. I take them for what they are worth ( not much most of the time )and try to put them in perspective.
The worst are ones like WHAT DOES MY HUSBAND DO/MAKE FOR A LIVNG and YOUR DONE……….RIGHT? I try to think of the person asking the question and that they are simply asking these questions from THEIR PERSPECTIVE and then it makes it all OK for me.
My blood pressure comes down, the hair on the back of my neck lies back down and suddenly I’m not so pissed off. It’s just where there they are in their life. They cant imagine life with 10, 3, 5 whatever kids. They don’t get it.
It’s my job at this point to play nice and be a good example. I don’t want anyone to think it’s my ten kids that make me cranky not the old lady at BJ’S judging the 4 loves of bread,6 gallons of milk two kids in the seat, one hanging on the back of the cart and the parade following along.
I’ve learned that some people may not realize how offensive and ignorant they may be, so if they aren’t wasting any energy on me, why should I be with them. It’s not worth my time to put any effort their comments. I try to just focus on the good I see and hear throughout the day.
You know, I admit I can be silently judgey sometimes, and it’s something I have worked on through the years. But, I’ve always had the good sense to keep my big mouth shut about it! You never know people’s circumstances and even if you did, it’s still usually none of my business.
Andrea @ This Pug Life´s last blog post ..Pug Reacts to Raccoon Sounds
Yup. I have four and when we are all out together, I get this all the time. I guess I just don’t let it bother me to be honest. People are curious, including myself. Because really, if you saw someone with TEN children, wouldn’t YOU want to know if they were done? Now all that to say, most people show self-restraint and DON’T ask such questions, but we are all curious. As far as the stupid comment about not procreating….that’s just uncalled for.
I have 5 and when I was pregnant with my 5th I was amazed at the rude comments.
I had one lady…that I can only describe as crazy…run across the Target parking lot to tell me how selfish I was to keep having babies and that I was killing the planet. She continued that I would have been better off aborting my children…right in front of my kids. I am grateful that I was so shocked I couldn’t think of anything to say in return.
It does get better as your children get older and people don’t see the need to make rude comments as often. Maybe because a Mom with small children seems safer to insult than a Mom with a couple of teenage boys with her.