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Dear Yard Sale Vendor,
While I realize your aim this morning is not to open a Saks Fifth Avenue on your front lawn, I firmly believe there are some general Rummage Sale Rules that you should be aware of. By placing an ad in the paper, a listing on Craigslist, or even simply duct taping a neon green sign to a utility pole, you are asking people for their time, with the promise of the discovery of hidden treasures amid your stanky old running shoes. Let’s go over a few basics:
- When your ad says your sale begins at 8:00 am, that means you need to be ready to BEGIN at 8 am. This does not mean you are rolling open your garage door and stumbling out in your pajama pants and slippers at 8 am. This does not mean you are hauling out the second box and unfolding tables at 8 am. Certainly there might be a few odds and ends to bring out, and I don’t care if you’re in a floor length sequin gown…but BE READY AT 8AM. In fact, maybe you should shoot for the lofty goal of 7:45…just for some motivation. If 8 am is too early for you, perhaps you should have picked a later time. Because YOU picked that time, remember? Don’t glare at me for being there at the time you told me to be. In print no less. (And no, I’m not early. Because that’s rude too.)
- Be ready to sell your stuff. It happens to the best of us: we put tons of stuff out for sale, and somehow, that special stuffed elephant from our nana made it out onto the tarps. A customer comes up to buy it, and you gasp, and apologetically take the item back saying it isn’t for sale. No big deal. We get it. (I mean, even Pixar did it. Hello? Toy Story? Woody is NOT for sale.) But you don’t start your sale at 8 am (see above) and tell your customers that your mom still hasn’t gone through your dead grandma’s stuff yet…Mom rolls in at 8:20 and starts making her own (giant) pile of keepsies. In the meantime, three of us have asked you for prices on at least 20 different items only to have you say that “Oh, no, not that. My mom will want that.” BE READY AT 8AM.
- Have change. In this day of technology, having cash on hand can be a rarity. As a result, many yard sale go-ers swing by an ATM on the way out for the morning. The pesky thing about ATMs is that they only spit out twentys. Go figure. When you are hosting a yard sale, and presumably requiring cash payment for items in the 50 cent to $3 range, you should have some change made in advance. When I rummage in my purse and find a rogue dollar bill and you STILL don’t have change for the 50 cent mason jar in my hand, I might have unpleasant thoughts that involve your face and said mason jar. And telling me “Oh yeah…I was going to send my husband out to the grocery store for change sometime this morning” does not somehow help. Also, suggesting that I come back once I’ve gotten change at other yard sales is absurd and I may or may not laugh. And Sir, my ten dollar bill is not what anyone would consider a “large bill”. But thanks anyway. BE READY AT 8AM.
- Price your items accordingly. I realize your things hold precious memories and you want to make some extra money this morning for that big screen TV you’ve been eyeing, but let’s be serious here. This is, after all, a yard sale…not a 25% off sale at Target. This stuff is used, remember? When I gently inform you that I can buy this glass container at WalMart right NOW, brand NEW, for $15…it implies that the $10 you are asking is a bit steep. Responding with “It’s really nice glass” might make me double over in laughter. When you go on to tell me that you paid $30 for the jar, I will stop laughing and feel really, really, really bad for you. Because either you have a horrible memory, or you got royally hosed. I love Anchor Hocking as much as the next gal, but I am here to tell you that it is not at all “nice glass” nor is it worth $30. I hope you like that jar because I’m pretty sure you’re keeping it today. Also, kind lady, don’t try to sell me your kid’s old tattered Curious George books for $2 each when they still have the original WalMart sticker of $2.49. When I kindly point this out, don’t look at me with a straight face and proclaim that ‘Yes! See, it’s cheaper! You’re still saving money!’ You’re right. And its also got a bent cover and crayon on the third page. Awesome.
- If you are having a multi-weekend sale, please update your ads as needed. Because if I beeline to your house at 8 on the dot with promises of a wooden porch swing…bypassing ten other sales on my way…and I wait patiently for ten minutes as you tell your neighbor all about your expletive-filled landlord and what a jerk he is for kicking you out…and I finally interrupt asking about the swing…I might lose my mind when you giggle and tell me that you sold it at LAST WEEKEND’S yard sale, and when you copy/pasted the Craigslist ad over for this week, you “didn’t really feel like deleting the stuff we sold“. And this, dear friend, might be why your landlord needs you to vacate. Attention to detail may not be your strong suit. That pesky first of the month just keeps changing when it comes. 30 days. 31 days. Sometimes even 28 days! Crazy, right?
- If you don’t want to price your items, don’t be annoyed when I keep asking you how much things cost. Just a thought.
- Never, ever, ever, ever, EVER try to sell your old underwear. EVER.
Sincerely,
The mom of four who snuck out really early this morning hoping to find some treasures and willing to give you money in exchange for them. Assuming, of course, you have change for a twenty. Or a ten. Or heck, even a one.
Did I miss anything?
I'm a mom to four. A wife to one. I believe in story. I love telling you about mine and would love to hear yours. There's really no sense in wasting our suffering and not sharing in each other's joy. We're all in this together...even if it doesn't always feel like it.
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LOVE this as a frequent shopper and garage sale host! I’m also annoyed by the people who can’t even begin to organize things. Don’t put a bin of clothes out in the yard and then inside the garage have another bin with the same size stuff in it – have it make some sense. I don’t mind digging but some people make it way too difficult.
Allison´s last blog post ..Pinterest Inspired Outfit #1
YES! At least dump the bin out on a tarp.
Oh my – just say no to wacky yard sales! Bummer
Kerry @ Made For Real´s last blog post ..Tuesday Prayers
#5 hahaha
Great Post!
This is why I don’t have garage sales anymore. They are a lot of work! I stress out about pricing it right. And I need to fold everything (ugh!). But if I did have a garage sale, I would totally let you have my Anchor Hocking for $8.93. And I would have the change for it, for sure! // Funny post! I laughed so hard, and then I remembered why I stopped garage sale-ing when my kids were little. // Don’t forget #8: Don’t set out of box of broken toys right where my kids can see it and mark them “FREE!” I always hated that. “But mommy! I love this little plastic car that makes a sound like it’s dying! And guess what, mommy, it’s FREE!”
Anne @ anne b. good´s last blog post ..The [Love] Language Barrier: An American in Paris
Yes, maybe that’s the point: hosting a garage sale is a LOT of work. It’s not as simple as tossing a bunch of stuff outside and making money. I quit hosting sales too…and just hauling bag after bag of gear to Goodwill instead. It’s just not worth it to me anymore. I wish people understood that. It’s a waste of my time when they don’t!
I bag Miss A’s stuff up and sell it to the second hand baby store, and score some good store credit. The rest I donate. I haven’t decided if I’m lazy, or smart. 50/50 maybe?
Caryl
I think you covered all of the bases. That is why I don’t go to garage sales anymore – the items are priced way too high!
Ha! And then there are the few sales where people are selling things SO dirt cheap, you almost want to pull them aside and say ‘you know that thing you just sold me for $2? I would have totally paid $10. FYI.”
GREAT list! I would also add, don’t wrire “HUGE MASSIVE yard sale” and then have two dinky tables of crap. I won’t stop and get out. I’ll just remember your house address to come back and egg later. Just kidding. Sorta.
Bhahahaha.. this cracked me up! On point, and so true!
PeaceLoveTerri´s last blog post ..down on the farm.
Oh crap this is fantastic… it should be published in the newspaper. Speak it sista!!!
Andy read this and said “You should send this in to the Op Ed of the local paper”. Ha!
First ,I agree on all counts. Second, thanks for the giggles. Third, Andy is right!
Gwendolyn T´s last blog post ..Blog-a-versary!
This cracked me up – yes, yes, yes to all of the above!! How can people not price stuff?? I never understand that part! dollar tree has stickers with prices already on them, how difficult is that??
Can we also do a post about the yard sale attendees??? Like the ones that show up at 6am when you posted a start time of 7am and sit in their car and watch you getting prepared and then come try and dig through boxes WHILE you are still pulling it out? Or the people who will pick up an item marked 10 cents and offer you 2 cents? Or the people who pay in pennies???? (this has happened to me more then once) Or the older folks who see something that reminds them of something they once had and proceed to tell you their life story while you are trying to deal with “customers”. Or the ones who go ahead and wander into your garage (even though you put the door halfway down to avoid such problems) and start peeking at your husbands tools or your kids bikes and you have to kick them out??
Or the people who won’t take no for an answer when making you a ridiculously low offer ($5 for a $30 item like an almost brand new bike trailer!) and stand there hassling you and even come back several times until you get annoyed and walk away.
Kirsten´s last blog post ..Quick Update…
I smell a guest post…
so.
freakin.
funny.
amy jupin´s last blog post ..love.
I love this post! I like to go to yard sales and host them. I am annoyed by the early birds who arrive an hour and a half or TWO HOURS EARLY!!!!! What the heck, people??? The ad said 7:00am! Then they get mad when, at 5:30am you are still setting up!!!! Ummm… the ad said 7:00am, are you seriously here already???? L
yes to everything.
which is why I’ve retired from yard sales – hosting & attending.
too. much. work.
thank you for reminding me.
emily hope´s last blog post ..Only One Resolution For The New Year
This had me roaring with laughter. My family thanks you.
Another reason why I would rather donate my stuff than hold a garage sale LOL
Amen sister! I have experienced every one of those types of yard sales. It makes me so frustrated that I’ve skipped them all together for years now. I also don’t like when they won’t let you plug something in just to make sure it indeed works.
Carolyn´s last blog post ..My Favorite Things: OlloClip
My mother in law is always encouraging me to go to garage sales more. When I have a morning off from the kids, dealing with the items you just listed above is NOT how I choose to spend it.
Katherine@YeOldCollegeTry´s last blog post ..Onward and Upward
I am laughing out loud. You should really try to get this posted in McSweenys. Too funny!
seriously sassy mama´s last blog post ..Clipboard Fun!
Well said! One more thing…please do not put out boxes of clothing for us to dig through…the least you can do is lay them out flat! I’m not dumpster diving!