For months now, I’ve felt this way.
This intense desire to sit every single pre-teen, teen, early 20’s…heck, just about EVERY girl in America (okay, maybe the world even) down and have a chat with them.
A real, true, down to the core, heart to heart.
I want to sit them down on the couch, kneel in front of them, grab their shoulders firmly and give them that little squeeze that says “listen close. this is important. don’t miss it“. I want to look them straight in the eyes and make sure I have their full, undivided attention.
I want them to sense my urgency.
My love for them.
Are you listening? Put your phone away. That text can wait. This cannot.
And then I will loosen my grip on their shoulders and I will show them this:
(source)
Isn’t she stunning?
That hair! Thick and full and shiny. That incredible shampoo commercial hair…every. single. day.
See her eyelashes? Long and amazing. Rimming gorgeous doe eyes with makeup done just right.
And that body! Can you believe it? Just beautiful.
Perfect skin. Flawless complexion. Every square inch of her aglow.
Did I mention she’s famous? And really really really rich on top of it all.
Frankly, by just about all accounts, she’s perfect.
She’s been blessed with some of the world’s most incredible genes, she’s rich, she’s famous, and she has the resources and team of people to take her fabulous to even more fabulous heights.
It’s almost overwhelming.
But I want you to know something else too.
This woman, arguably one of the most gorgeous women on the planet, in the top tier of riches, with the fancy cars and the designer wardrobe and enough shoes to outfit a small country…
Doesn’t have it all.
Did you know she’s been divorced twice and she’s only 31? Now, I want you to hear me: I’m not bashing her for being divorced. I’m not judging her. Honestly. I don’t know her personally, and I don’t know the reasons why things didn’t work out. Relationships are complicated. Frankly, it doesn’t matter why. I don’t care what the rumors are. That’s not my point. My point is this:
I’m pretty sure that this gorgeous woman has cried herself to sleep. More than once.
I know, just because I’m a woman too, that she’s doubted herself.
Wished things could be different.
Replayed events and second guessed her decisions. Not just in relationships, but other things too I would imagine.
Wondered what was wrong with her.
Did you hear that?
Yes, women like Kim Kardashian are plagued by that nagging voice in their heads…just like the rest of us.
The voice that says we aren’t good enough. The voice that says that we messed it all up. The ugly voice that whispers hideous lies to us.
Behind that perfect makeup and that air of confidence lies a girl…just like you and me…that isn’t quite so confident when the cameras are gone and it’s just her and her bedroom.
And that makes me sad.
Just like it makes me sad that you do it too. In your own room when you think everyone is asleep.
I know because I’ve done it too.
Heck, at 31, married with three kids, I even do it now. Except it’s not the head cheerleader’s life I covet anymore. It’s other, more subtle things.
We all do. Even the most popular girl in your school. The one with the perfect smile and hottest boyfriend.
Even Kim Kardashian. The girl who has all of the things we secretly wish for. All of the things we covet. The girl who looks and has all those things we don’t.
Even SHE wonders why it isn’t perfect.
And here’s what I want you to hear, this is where you must listen very closely:
Stop believing that if you were just 15 pounds lighter, that boy would like you.
Stop wishing that you were just 3 inches taller.
Stop starving yourself.
Stop disrespecting your body because you think love waits around the bend.
Stop pretending you are dumb because you think it’s cute.
Stop wishing you could be like someone else.
STOP BELIEVING THAT YOU AREN’T GOOD ENOUGH.
Stop believing that if only…just this one thing about you was different…if only things were just a little bit better…your figure was just a little bit firmer, a little bit curvier, a little bit prettier, you were a little bit smarter, had nicer clothes…that everything else would fall into place.
Stop believing that if only you weren’t really YOU…things would be so much better.
Because I want you to see that it isn’t true.
I want you to see that even women who have all those things we secretly wish for…all those silly, materialistic, outward things that don’t feel silly to you right now…they don’t make it all better. They don’t solve everything. They don’t make your life perfect.
You can have it all, and still not have it all.
I want you to have a beautiful heart.
I want you to love others.
I want you to hold your head high even if the hair atop it isn’t shiny and thick.
I want you to shape and mold and nurture your strengths. The things that make you uniquely YOU.
Because life will never be perfect.
Things will probably never look exactly like you pictured way back when you were a little girl.
I can promise you that.
And I can promise you that things aren’t always as perfect as they seem on the outside for others.
No one really has it all together.
Even the prettiest, most popular girl at your school.
Not even Kim Kardashian.
Source: emilymcdowell.posterous.com via Jeannett on Pinterest
So be YOU.
Stop wishing you were a different version of you.
It wouldn’t matter in the long run.
Because you are beautiful and lovely and perfect in your own way.
Pinky promise.
{I want to be really open here and let you know that I don’t want to see comments bashing, condemming, or in any other way doing that celebrity gossip thing here. Anything derogatory or mean spirited will be deleted. On the flip side, I hope you see my heart and don’t feel the need to come rushing to Kim Kardashian’s defense and decry my post. My intention is not to cast stones or judge or any other such thing…because this isn’t really about Kim…and if you think it is, you missed the whole point.}
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love this, and am so grateful for you! xo
hannah singer´s last blog post ..happy things
This is an awesome post.
Great post. I wish I someone would have said this to me when I was young. Even now, at 33, I find myself thinking “if only”. I have been given so many great and wonderful blessing and yet there is always a voice that tells me I’m not good enough or I don’t deserve. That voice can be so loud sometimes! Your post is an awesome message to young ladies and a reminder to those of who are just a tad older.
Well said! Thank you for post this.
Love Love LOVE!!!
This is a passion of mine… to reach out to our tween/teen girls and wake them up, shake them from this merry-go-round of insecurities and quest for “perfection”. It’s tough though. And it breaks my heart to see so many girls doing what they think everyone wants from them vs doing what THEY want for themselves– trying to please boys vs pleasing our ever loving Father.
I could feel this post. Thank you for sharing!
Sugar Mama´s last blog post ..Daily Inspiration
This is a great post friend and a great reminder of what’s really important and how we need to stop worrying about what’s going on with others and be who we are. Perfect. Created by a God who makes no mistakes.
Word. If only women would support each other more often, the world would be a much better place. Thanks for reminding us.
Stacey´s last blog post ..Sewing For Boys Pump Up Series: Couturier Mommy
Amen. I hope my girls know this and believe this… and I wish I had known and believed this when I was younger… and even now, sometimes.
Julie´s last blog post ..Finished
Love it. <3
BRAVO!!!! AMEN!!!! HALLELUJAH!!!!!
What a great post! You really are able to capture things with the way you write. I think all young women (or little girls, or college age women, heck even and especially moms) should hear this. Every Day. Thanks Jeannett for writing this amazing post!
Jessica´s last blog post ..Happy New Year!
Um…. YES!!!!!! and you know what…. I still love her!!!:) Thank Goodness Jesus loves us all too bc we can be pretty pathetic sometimes.:)
Good words! Not just for teens…. but even older women!
Thanks for writing!
Great post! Very well said…thanks for sharing!
Yes, this is for every woman! Even at 46 I still need to hear this. Thank you, thank you, thank you! !
Very well put. Hats off to for having the gumption to say this. Women everywhere need to read this post, embrace it and move forward as their genuine self! <3
This is the first time I have commented on a blog. I just want to say thank you. I have a teenage daughter. She always believes the bad stuff. Never trusts the good stuff. Thank you for putting this into words that speaks to all women!
Amen to this! I needed to be reminded even at 30.
Perfectly said. Posting link everywhere…
Beautifully said. I was moved. May I copy this and put it on the bulletin board in the teen area at the library where I work?
I am with you 100% on this. I wish I could sing this from the rooftop so that every female everywhere could hear it. I worry about how to get this message through to my daughter every. single. day. Because, while she’s only 3 now, and she thinks she is the queen of the universe most of the time, that fades. I know because it did for me. And I also know that I didn’t listen to my own mom when she told me these same things. And the thought of her not hearing them, of her going through the same self-doubt, self-hatred, and self-deprication that I did as a teen terrifies me.
Preach on…..and I will too.
great post! it is so true.
Thank you! This is the perfect time of year to be reminded of this!
This is so true & I love your heart.
God doesn’t care about our outward appearance,
so why should we spend so much time wishing we
looked different? He cares about our inward appearance,
that’s what we should focus on. There’s a song that goes,
“Please let me see that I am fearfully and wonderfully crafted
and created, Oh Lord let me see. I’m beautiful, called your
own, I don’t understand it, Oh Lord let me see.” God thinks
we are beautiful & we’re fearfully & wonderfully made, we’re
made in his image. I wish that all girls/woman could see that.
Courtney´s last blog post ..Is it okay to drink?
This is such a great reminder. I needed this today. We are so quick to judge a book by it’s cover!:)
You really never know what is going on behind the smiles – I dated the hottest guy on campus while in graduate school – I couldn’t believe he wanted to date me (so insecure!) – and everyone thought we were perfect and thought that I was soooo lucky… what they didn’t see was how controlling, jealous, condescending, and critical he was. Just mean. I couldn’t look at a waiter, or talk to a guy friend on campus, or hug a buddy at church without being called a flirt or worse. I was expected to wax my face, neck, and I’m sure arms were next. I was very social and confident and had many friends but he called me socially inept. But boy was he cute. And blonde. And a soccer player. Everything I thought I always wanted.
I cried, a lot. And all the while the girls on campus were jealous.
I thank GOD for the strength to walk away from the guy I “loved” and for eventually bringing me to my husband who is my best friend :)
You wrote a great message for teens – and adults!!
Kim R´s last blog post ..Instafriday
Bravo! So well said, and so true. I am at a place in my life where I certainly do not have it all, yet that little voice is nagging at me less… most of the time anyway. The two things I want my kids to have most are confidence in themselves, and a love of reading – hopefully these things (among others) will make their lives happier.
Bronwyn @ Mad Crafty Mama´s last blog post ..Have you seen this?!
Thank you :)
where were these words when i was 14, 15, 16, 17….? well put, my friend. lucy, jill… listen up!
lindsey – the pleated poppy´s last blog post ..india {with Empart}
a.men.. thank you for writing this, as thoughtfully [yet frankly] as you did. not just for the hypothetical teenage girl, but for us “grown-up” women too :) your heart *totally* came across and it’s just what we needed.
aly allen´s last blog post ..instafriday #9
THANK YOU! I try to remind myself of this often but it still slips away from me. Thank you for bringing it back to the foreground and reminding me.
LOVE THIS!!! <3
I am now 29, I wish I could have read this when I was in junior high & high school.
A great post! I am passing it on to my 16 year old daughter!
Well said, and thanks for the reminder.
Thank you so much for this reminder. I definitely need to remember this post (and come back to it) when I’m feeling like I’m not good enough. God sure thinks I am!
Laura´s last blog post ..Praying for Each Other
i love this, too. really thought provoking as we think about ourselves and our girls – even ones we know. i wish each girl could know how to be confident in themselves.
Thank you for writing this. For putting into words exactly what I wanted someone to say to me when I was younger. I am going to show this to my 9 year old daughter so she can see that she is perfect just the way she is. You have a way with words that makes me see life in a more positive light. Thank you!
AMEN!!!
This gave me goosebumps. Thanks for sharing her story in this way. It is so easy to believe some women really do have it all.
Brittany´s last blog post ..Fill in the Blank Friday – Free Time
I adore you! i would really like you to be my Jimminy Cricket. Now, that would involve you moving to AZ and sitting on my shoulder all day, but I totally think we could swing it!
Kate Eschbach´s last blog post ..Beautiful beginnings…
Love it! This needs to be given to every little girl at the age of 10, 11, 12, so they can see that they are perfect, just as they are.
Wow, this is amazing. It’s so easy to think we’re the only ones suffering from insecurities – but everyone has them! I’m going to make sure the 12- and 13-year-old girls that I teach at church read this. It’s an important message – thank you!
I agree. She definitely is one of the prettiest out there today and her curves are a big factor in why she is so.
so sweet! you are right, and I think this is not only good for young girls to read, but us “older” girls! Why are we always seeking to lose those few pounds, have a little bit more money, etc??? Let’s focus on the good! We are all beautiful in our own ways:)
melodee@polkadotnotebook´s last blog post ..Anthro Knobs
It’s been awhile since I’ve read your posts…or anyone’s posts. But, I figured I’d try and get back into reading and maybe writing. This is excellent, Jeannett. You should pass this out at Bible Studies and youth meetings. :) And repost it everyday. love you
Robbin´s last blog post ..Monday Musings
This is a fantastic post. I couldn’t ask for a better accompaniment to my illustration — thank you so much for posting it!
Truly a great reminder that we are the ones to teach young girls and young women (and maybe ourselves) that to be happy means to be the genuine version of yourself and not worry what others have that you don’t. Thank you for keeping it all in perspective.
PS – Poor Kim. I mean really she is insanely beautiful but truly sad at the same time.
preach it!
Sigh… So beautifully said, friend.
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