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If you had asked me last week: “Are you putting Henry in preschool?”
My answer, without hesitation would have been: “Nope.”
Funny thing though is that I found that just about everyone was asking me that question.
Some shrugged their shoulders…some raised an eyebrow…some even alluded to our choice as a bad thing.
And ALL of them were putting their kids in preschool.
Luckily, I don’t care about stuff like that.
I’m not so much interested in doing something just because everyone else does it…so this was all fine.
You know, there was a time when Preschool was optional…oh wait, it still is.
I was confident in our decision to skip preschool and just wait until Kindergarten.
After all, the kid is gonna be in school (at least) 13 years…I’m in no rush to make that any longer than it needs to be.
And let’s face it: preschool ain’t free.
A few nights ago, Andy mentioned “Hey, so everyone’s asking me if Henry’s gonna be in preschool…I keep saying no, but it’s starting to seem like he’s the only kid that isn’t doing it. Is that bad?”
No. It’s not bad. Not one bit.
While we may not have structured learning time, we sound out words over breakfast, we practice addition and subtraction when we eat jelly beans, we play rhyming games while jumping on the trampoline, and we point out letters and numbers on license plates in the Target parking lot. I have absolutely no concerns about Henry’s learning at this point.
None.
And I really couldn’t care less if he’s reading by four. I mean, that would be great (and he might not be too far off as it is), but it’s not a priority for me.
Did you know that studies show that by the 5th grade the earliest learners, put in the most aggressive/expensive/competitive programs are not obvious?
Your baby might be able to read by 18 months, but it’s likely that by the time they are 10, our kids will test equally well.
Yet…after all of that…I enrolled Henry in preschool yesterday.
As in, we got the LAST spot for school that starts Monday.
As in, I got there 30 minutes earlier than the next mom who was vying for that first-come-first-served last spot?
The 11th hour. It’s how we roll.
So…after all that hemming and hawing about how preschool is not something we were doing, why on earth would I suddenly be rushing over to the local playard to snag that precious space?
He’s going to need it. But for reasons that probably don’t cross the mind of most families.
Jill currently gets therapy 2-3 times a week (depending on the week). Therapy is HARD on Henry. Really hard. Imagine someone walking through your door with a giant tote bag filled with toys…sitting on the floor and “playing” with your little sister. And you’re four. Not quite old enough to understand that it’s therapy…but old enough to get your feelings hurt that you don’t get to do it too.
(Lucy is easily distracted so it doesn’t seem to affect her too much yet).
Or going with mom to drop off your littlest sister to a room filled with toys and giant balls and mirrors and even a zip line!…”Mommy can we stay at therapy today with Jilly?”…and your mean mommy always says no?
Jill’s therapy is going to increase to 4-5 times per week in the next month.
Not to mention any additional doctor visits, assesment meetings, and who knows what that get scheduled on top of it all.
Chick needs her own personal assistant.
Oh wait, that’s me. Weird.
Half of it will be here at the house, half of it off site. But still…it’s going to be brutal on him…and frankly, on me too. I’m actually really overwhelmed at the thought of almost daily therapy sessions.
To give Henry some time away…something special just for him…something where he gets to do something his sisters don’t do…
Well, I think that’s important.
The learning part is great…but not our motivation.
And the preschool could have asked for my name signed in blood when they told me they do bible memory verses too.
But ultimately I’m realizing that sometimes being a big brother to a special needs baby sister needs some special loving too…and as parents, this is all part of the delicate dance we perform…changing, adapting and doing what it takes to give each of our kids what they need.
That dance is just a little more complicated sometimes when you have some extras for one kid.
And any special needs mama knows that sometimes unexpected needs for your “typical” kids pop up…simply because they are typical.
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well, I guess that means that esther is now the only 4-year we know who doesn’t go to preschool ;) seriously, though, so excited for henry! glad you feel good about your decision! he’ll love it.
I’ve just started visiting your blog, so I haven’t read the whole backstory – but I felt like i resonated with every word of this post – both the internal “rebel” at wanting to buck the system and not do preschool, agreeing with the stats that wonderbaby will probably be just as boy crazy and ditzy in 5th grade as my non-verbal 2 year old was, and then mostly – the part about watching your baby sister get the big toy totes brought in for “therapy”.
You have put my heart onto a screen….
my baby has been in the intensive therapy since she was 4 months old. it became a part of our lives along with all the specialists and doctors and hospital stays. We’ve actually dropped some of her hours over the summer because we just needed to be a FAMILY.
ok before i make this comment its own blog post, i’ll wrap it up.
anyways – i think you made the right decision and the best one for YOUR FAMILY. which is really all you can ask for most days when you’re juggling the overwhelming needs of one with the lesser-known needs of the others.
off to read more. I have a feeling i’ll have a lot more to connect with you over.
(don’t be too afraid, i’m only kind of a stalker… ;) )
can’t wait to see “first day of preschool pics”! I hope its all Henry hopes it will be!
terra
We enrolled Aubrey at age 4 and it was so good for her. She loved it and had the best teacher. We enrolled Ainsley at 3 (because Aubrey was going to kinder and Mommy thought that would be easier on her) and she tolerated it, made friends, but would have preferred to be home. And now that she is in pre-k, oh my, SHE LOVES IT. I think 4 is the perfect age for pre-schol (assuming you are a pre-school type of family).
I hope you and Henry have a great year. And I hope he doesn’t mind all the crafts. :)
Our oldest child has special needs so our younger daughter missed the therapy sessions but has attended her fair share of doctor appointments, etc. Last year she watched him get on and off the bus everyday and wanted to go to “school” too. She’ll be three next month and I enrolled her in preschool this fall. She starts tomorrow and I’ve never seen a kid more excited about something. It’s only two days a week but I think it’ll be good for her. Most of the families from our special needs play group have older children and we go to church 30 miles from where we live, so she doesn’t have “friends”. It’ll be good for her to be able to have something separate from her brother.
Hoping he enjoys his preschool adventures. I remember when our therapist came over for my son–it was SO hard on my daughter (4 yrs. at the time). Preschool was a great distraction and opportunity to socialize and have some alone time away from her sibling.
Hurray for YOU! Hurray for Henry! What an “in tune” mom you are to know when your son will need some time and activities that make him feel special too. And for having the insight to see that you yourself are going to be stretched a little thin as well. Not having him upset over being left out will help so much with your own stress level and thus make it calmer for the whole family. “…changing, adapting and doing what it takes to give each of our kids what they need.” Isn’t that what parenting is all about. What a great example you set for anyone having to make these kind of decisions…listening to that inner voice that tells you what is right for each child at each time in their lives.
Wow. First I was so excited that I’m not the only one keeping my 4 year old at home… and then I was so impressed at your insight and reason TO send him! Its hard to let go. Bible verses… who could pass that up?! ;)
I could care less if Abby does any “learning” in pre-school. In fact, I would be upset if she brought home papers everyday with the ABCs written all over them because that would mean she was having to sit at a desk (or miniature table) and hold a pencil for an inordinate amount of time. She’s in pre-school so she can make some of her very own friends (not just younger siblings of her siblings’ friends) and learn that the world doesn’t revolve around her. Coming from a Kindergarten teacher let me tell you, there’s nothing worse than having a kid in your class who has no concept of sitting with a group, listening to others, participating in activities, and taking turns. Henry will love this time. And if he doesn’t? No harm, no foul. Pull him out and sound out words over the breakfast table! :-)
This was a concern we had too. Our son was in daycare as a toddler because I needed to work for health insurance. Once early intervention stopped and his services transferred to the public school he did great. He was used to schedules, groups, etc. Some of his friends from playgroup who had SAHM had more trouble. I’m afraid our daughter would too since I now stay home with the kids. She’s never been in any kind of structured setting for a long period and has no friends of her own. The preschool teacher said they’d start working on letters, colors, and numbers. She’ll be 3 next month and knows her colors, letter and numbers. She’s even started writing her letters so I’m not sure how much they’ll actually “teach” her.
Beautiful reasoning. I think he will love it. Good job mama.
What a great decision, I absolutely love your reasons why!We had therapy coming to our house once a week for my almost 2 yo twins and it was so hard on my 3 yo because of the same reasons. At first they used to let her to play too and then they started bringing new activities for her to do by herself. That was great but as all kids, inevitably, she wanted to play with what the twins were playing with lol and wow were those 45 minutes stressful! We would love to send our 3 yo to preschool and hopefully once she is consistantly potty trained and a bit older she will get some time just for her, although it will be hard for this momma to let her go.
De-lurking to say we did the EXACT same thing with our oldest. DS #2 began life in the NICU and was constantly sick for the first three years of his life. Our third baby came when the boys were 2.5 years and 14 months. Needless to say, DS #1 had to learn patience very early. It was wonderful for our first-born to do his own thing, to have special activites that were just for him..
When you have a child that has a lot of medical needs, you do what you have to do. God provides, always, even if it’s not in the way we expect or imagine.
LOVE your blog!
Way to go, Mama! I really admire you for being flexible with Henry’s education. I’ve got a 5 month old over here, so we’re not making those decisions yet, but I know they’ll get here fast! Personally, I went to public for Kindergarten, home-schooled for 1-6.5 (yes, half a year), one private Christian school for 6.5-8 (they didn’t have a high school), back to home-schooling for 9-10, and another Christian school for 11-12. Whew – when you write it out like that, it looks crazy, but honestly – I wouldn’t have it any other way. My parents’ philosophy was to pray and ask God what He wanted for me each summer and they obeyed. As a result, I have an incredible relationship with my mom that I attribute to my home-schooling years and I also have a really good handle on my learning styles and passions because I had more time to pursue them. But, with the private education, I was able to transition well into a rigorous college academic life seamlessly. God’s plans are so much greater than ours and I think you’re gonna see so much good come from your decision. Blessings!
henry is gonna love it!
we weren’t going to send dillon to pre-k – i was gonna do the at home thing too – but we ended up sending him and registered two weeks before.
i can’t believe how much he loved it!he grew so much in so many different areas… and my heart totally melts when he walks around reciting his memory verses and i turn to mush when he sings worship songs as he’s going about the day playing :)
can’t wait to see the pictures :)
So fun! I bet he’ll love it.
None of our kids have done preschool, and it’s worked well for us. (In spite of peoples’ shocked faces and their implications that our kids are doomed.) But it’s very possible that at least one of our Ethiopian daughters, once they come home, will end up doing at least pre-K or something like that. We’ll have to see. I think flexibility is the name of the game when it comes to parenting!
(I MIGHT need to give you a hard time though if it’s a super exclusive, Harvard-ish preschool. You Santa Marians are so fancy! :) )
He’s gonna give you material to write about, Jeannett! I can’t wait to hear his stories about “what happened at school today”! I am so happy he is getting his own time and it will definitely be good for him to learn from others. Yay for ALL of you!
Sounds like you are making a decision for the right reasons….putting the needs of your son first and not concerning yourself with something “because everyone else is doing it.” He’ll love preschool. :)
I love your blog! I read it regularly and comment occasionally. So I was delighted today to find out we had parallel lives yesterday. After saying that we weren’t doing preschool, that kindergarden was soon enough to spend our days apart and that this chapter is short and oh so sweet we signed our sweet boy up. We got the last spot. And we don’t have a special needs baby but we do have a boy that needs a break from the transitions of our house (we moved across the country this summer, we are due for a new baby in 3 weeks) and his sister who is just 11 months younger than him who needs some extra 1 on 1. It’s funny to me how often the things I say I won’t do longest and loudest are the things I end up doing and they end up being great. Here’s hoping this is a great thing for both of our boys.
You are such a wise and and inspiring woman, and so well spoken. Growing up as the older sister of a child with downs, I understand the complex family dynamics. Your insight of your sons perspective is such a priceless gift to him. I send you and yours love. You are a true inspiration!
aww! so excited for henry! are you doing an actual preschool or like a mother’s day out type of preschool? we signed up my littlest at our church- its essentially an mdo but they treat it more like preschool and do the whole academics stuff- PLUS they throw in Jesus-talk and bible verses in there too. :) so it made us happy parents. he started at age 2 with just 2 days (included nap) then went up to 3 days. this fall he will go 4 days.
We’ve been in that very same place. I would wonder at why so many parents were eager to ship their little ones off to preschool…after all they are only little once. But after Charlie was born and diagnosed with Down syndrome, the therapy sessions began to take over our calendar. And while it was fine for the first year, when our Henry was three and Charlie’s therapy services began to ramp up, I knew that it was time to ensure that Henry had his own special *thing* to go to. It was one of our best parenting decisions. Henry thrived and I was able to focus on Charlie and all of his needs. Well…until baby number three came onto the scene, but that’s a whole other story…anyhow, it is going to be such a great thing for your Henry. And way to go, these decisions are way harder to make then they originally seem…
I majored in Elementary Education when I was in college. I was 1 semester away from graduating when I had to put it on hold (for various reasons). And because of this I get asked a lot (especially my mother) if I’m going to homeschool my kids. I debated it for awhile and even really considered it. But my oldest is a very social child, he loves interacting with other people. So we decided to put him in public school and to start him in Pre-k. We wouldn’t have been able to afford it, but Florida has a program called VPK (Voluntary Pre-K). It’s basically a 3 hr a day program for every 4 yr old (who’s parents choose to enroll them) that is paid by the state. I think it’s going to be really good for my oldest.
I think it sounds like Henry will really enjoy Preschool also. Good luck to you and to him!!
I love this post. It’s one of my favorites of yours that I have read. I love that you recognize that not only does Henry deserve to get things that are special to him, but that you called him typical. I’m a school teacher (and no hard feelings on the no preschool thing, I want to homeschool!) and almost everytime I speak with someone they use the word NORMAL. I hate this word with a passion. There is no normal, there is only typical. Thanks for making my Wednesday :)
So glad you changed your mind. Preschool is so necessary, and its not for learning the alphabet, or reading but for the social interaction. They get to meet new people, learn how to make and be a friend, and just feel like they are a part of something. He is going to love it!
this makes so much sense.
we live by the one type of activity at a time rule – like only one sport, one music lesson, one whatever. . . but rules are made to be broken sometimes. we just enrolled our “typical” daughter in swim lessons and dance because her special needs brother added swim lessons and OT – it just makes sense for her and us.
Oh wow. Totally understand what you mean about the intense therapy schedule. I felt SOOO guilty about spending so much time in the waiting room while my son was going through his 100,382,473 therapy appointments. I always brought a huge bag filled with sticker books and reading books and other stuff that I could do with my daughter during the wait but still. THE GUILT. We should have been at the playground or having play-dates or etc. I bet your son will LOVE preschool! I know my daughter did!!
I’m sure he will love it! Sounds like you have made a great decision for your child and your family. Isn’t it funny how being a parent makes you do things you said you would never do?
I bet he’ll love it! Yay for Henry :)
this is wonderful! praying he enjoys every special second!
(i have vivid memories of preschool. it was amazing!)
hooray! xoxo
Awesome! I got booted out of preschool for being a little too rowdy. Exciting times, Henry!
Reading this post a little late…but, all four of my kids have gone to preschool. None of them have been able to read at four. Well, none of the ones who’ve been through PreK have learned to read in PreK. Our preschool does learning through play with some other structured learning but they don’t try to teach them to read or their multiplication tables or the periodic table or anything like that. My girls loved it. My son just finished his first week (MWF – school started last Wed) and he’s not a fan yet. ;)
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