So I have to tell you:
When Kelle emailed me her guest post, I was so excited to see it pop up in my inbox.
I hurriedly opened it, ready to devour whatever nuggets of beauty she would string together.
But as I read, my brow furrowed and I thought:
“What the…”
What on earth had she sent me?
Was this a mistake?
Surely she sent me the wrong post.
What on EARTH did a trip to the grocery store have to do with ANYTHING???
Did she misunderstand my purpose, my intentions with this site?
Did I not explain very well? Did something get crossed in cyberspace?
I couldn’t use this. This was so off the wall. It just didn’t make sense.
Her post should be about Nella.
Nella’s surprise.
Nella’s magic chromosome.
Sure, a trip to the grocery store is a picture of life rearranged, but…
AND THEN I REMEMBERED.
I remembered all of the times that people would say to me “I’m so sorry.” “It must be so hard.” “You poor thing.” “I have no words.”
I think the ones that stung and confused me the most were “I couldn’t imagine.”
As if there were some vile creature crawling around in my attic.
Please know that I understand each word was said in kindness. That no one meant harm. But words carry power. And sometimes they carry more than the deliverer realizes.
Each time, a sweet word of sympathy was expressed, my honest response was “Huh? Really? It’s not that bad. It’s really pretty normal actually. The stuff that is hardest has nothing to do with Jill…”
Because that was the truth.
Yes, there are moments that are hard.
Typically those moments come when I am driving and the kids are all asleep in their seats. And the radio is off. And I grieve for my little girl. I grieve for her brother and sister.
What I thought they would have. What I thought they would look like. What I thought they would be like.
The tears come hot and fast, and sometimes even have shoulder shaking sobs to go with them.
Hidden behind my oversized TJMaxx sunglasses.
Yes, there are more appointments and tests and places to be, people to see.
I would be lying if I said that those didn’t wear a mama thin some days.
Yes, my heart sinks sometimes when I watch Henry and Lucy play and giggle…while Jill lays on a blanket playing quietly alone.
All of these things are true.
They are all a part of our life.
But they are moments.
Moments, seconds, minutes…in an otherwise crazy, fun filled day.
Weeks, months, eventually years.
Where the hardest parts of life revolve around having a 2 year old and twin 9 month olds.
Where the hardest parts are just plain having three kids.
Where the hardest parts are having any number of kids.
Where the hardest parts happen regardless of neurological or even metabolic anomalies.
The bulk of my life, my days, my weeks…are no different than those of any other mom.
The bulk of my life is a blur of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, dirty diapers, rattles, hot wheels, and sheer exhaustion.
So, no. It isn’t that hard. Or at least not any harder, really, than that of anyone else’s life.
Not the overwhelming majority of it anyway.
I always respond to well meaning folks with a smile and a vague “yea, I guess…”
But my insides scream…do not feel sorry for me! Do not feel sorry for our family! Please please wipe that sad look off your face! It isn’t sad! Our life is beautiful. Our life is full. Our children are complete and perfectly formed. We are not something to be pitied or tsk-tked. There are times it gets complicated. No doubt. But overall, it is perfect and beautiful and designed uniquely for us. Oh how I want you to see that! How I want you to see that even through the pain and the unknown we are blessed and lucky by any standard!
And I truly mean that.
With every fiber of my being.
My guess is that any parent of a child with special needs would say the same.
Kelle’s choice to blog about the grocery store was the manifestation of those thoughts.
So thank you Kelle.
For reminding me that our lives do not have to be defined by the challenges.
That our lives should be defined instead by our blessings.
Regardless of what kind of packaging they came in.
If you haven’t already, please read Kelle’s guest post and consider donating to the National Down Syndrome Society in honor of the Hampton Family.
It’s easy, quick…and good.
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Ha ha. So glad it turned around. It’s funny…after I sent it, I went back and read the ones from your other guest bloggers and thought…oh crap. She wanted something deeper. But, I’m glad I had already sent it. Because this is our life. And this is what we’re doing–showing to the world that we are a regular, beautiful family. When I had Nella, I THIRSTED for stories of normalcy. Searched facebook sites of families like us that showed regualar things like vacations and Christmas Eve, etc. I wanted to see NO CHANGE in life. That’s what spoke to me the most–the families that are completely 100% not defined by this. And, without even knowing I did it, I sent a regular post. Because I don’t even think about it anymore…I write about life. And our life is beautiful and normal…oh, and perfect.
Thank you so much, Jeanette, for another opportunity to show the world that life is beautiful…no matter what kind of family you have!
I am a regular reader of Kelle’s blog and, even though I also read the other guest blogger posts, it never dawned on me that Kelle’s was different …. it is something ALL parents can relate to, which is absolutely beautiful!!
I agree with Jill. I never thought about Kelle’s post being different from your other wonderful guest bloggers. Maybe because I already know Nella’s story. I just thought it was a good picture of everyday life. :)
.-= Kelly´s last blog ..You Take The Good, You Take The Bad, You Take Them Both & There You Have… =-.
Jeanette, I love being a part of your blog. It inspires me and makes me cry everyday. Which is exactly what I need! Our little ones are only weeks apart…andrew is 8.5 months (born August 7th). Your little Jilly is just an angel sent down to us, you can see it written all over her face. I love what you said in this post because you have a beautiful life, no matter the challenges, and I think you are so lucky to spend each day with that little girl. Our special needs kids are truly all of our earth angels, we couldn’t do it without their peace and inspiration. I will remember what you said in this post though…thank you.