We sat, just the two of us on the front steps.
Sun warm on our faces.
The kind of breeze that makes you just a little bit chilly, so we snuggled close.
The girls still napping.
A rare moment of one on one time with my firstborn.
We talked.
Because he loves to talk.
Not just rambling, kid talk.
But talk. Really talk. In ways that I always marvel at.
He will often curl up next to me still groggy from sleep.
His bare feet dirty from playing.
So small.
His Stinky Corner Blanket wrapped tightly around fingers in his mouth.
Cowlicks peeking out from the too long buzz cut.
Such a baby.
But so grown up it seems too.
“Mama, let’s talk about stuff.”
“Okay, what do you want to talk about?”
“Ummmmmm…let’s talk about Christmas.”
“Okay. But why don’t we talk about Easter instead since it’s almost here?”
“Okay Mom. That’s a good idea.”
And so we talked for a bit about Jesus. How he died for our sins. How he was buried in a “cave and then they put a big rock in front of it”.
And how, after three days, he rose again.
“You remember the baby in your belly, Mommy?”
I caught my breath.
“Yes. I will always remember that baby.”
“It died too. Like Jesus. In your belly. ”
“Yes, it did.”
Tears forming. My throat clenching tight. Keep it together, Jeannett.
Quiet for a few moments.
I could see him thinking.
And then, his face lit up.
Smiled.
“Then the baby will come back! The baby will rise again like Jesus, right?!”
Whoa.
“No sweetie. It won’t. And that’s what makes Jesus coming back so special. Because that doesn’t happen. The only person who ever came back from death was Jesus. And that’s why we celebrate Easter. Because we are so happy that he didn’t really die.”
{I realize that Lazarus was also resurrected, but I wasn’t about to muddy the waters with my three year old.}
“Oh….”
Quiet again.
“That’s sad Mommy. I want the baby to come back.”
“Yeah, I know. Mommy does too. But we’ll get to meet the baby again when we get to Heaven.”
“How do we get to Heaven?”
“Well…{gulp} we have to die.”
“Oh. I don’t want to die.”
“No. I don’t want you to die either. But someday we will all die. And it’ll be so awesome because we will go to Heaven and get to hang out with Jesus. And that will be the coolest thing ever.”
“Yeah. But not today Mommy.”
“No. Hopefully not today. Because I love you and I want to hang out with you more.”
“I love you too Mommy. Can I ride my truck now?”
“Of course.”
And in a flash, he climbed up into his toy truck and sped around the neighborhood.
And I was left sitting on the front steps in a daze.
But only for a moment.
When I could hear the crying songs of my girls waking from their naps.
And the four of us hung out.
I felt the sting of one short.
But the hope of Heaven is sweet.
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You can read more about infant loss/miscarriage here.
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Oh, My Sweet Lord. Because He is sweet. And He authored sweet moments like that one. And now I need a tissue.
Your post moved me. I miscarried a few years ago, there isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think about when I’ll be able to meet my child in Heaven.
Our children’s innocence is never to be taken for granted, it was a beautiful moment that you were able to share son.
This is the sweetest post, truly beautiful. It still takes me back when my oldest brings up our babies in Heaven too. But, we have the joy of knowing that this separation is temporary, yet it is still so painful.
Thank you for sharing such a sweet moment with your son.
Danna´s last blog post ..Some Easter hoppiness and today
So precious, thank you so much for being willing to share such a beautiful moment.
Jenni Carlisle´s last blog post ..Loving Mustaches arent trendy- theyre necessary
Oh my…
Sometimes, kids just split us in the middle and you dont know where (ou how) to go, to move, to respond. Thankfully, God gives us words when we need them…
If you have time, please, use 5 minutes and read it:
http://diariodos3mosqueteiros.blogspot.com/2010/07/jan10-como-falar-certas-coisas-para.html
There is an English version.
Kisses and blessings.
Mirys
Mirys´s last blog post ..Mamarazzi Week – maio-2011