And then I am reminded.

I’m gonna be brutally honest with you this Friday morning.

Oftentimes, I want to delete this blog entirely.

Walk away.

Never look back.

Oftentimes, I wonder to myself:

“What the heck are you doing Jeannett????!!!”

I get discouraged.

I feel overwhelmed.

I feel annoyed.

And I feel bitterness creeping in.

I wonder why I bother, why I thought that this was a good idea to begin with, and if it even matters that I sit at my little builder-grade built in desk in a small town in California.

And then I am reminded.

When you, my sweet readers, leave me comments.

Tweet something kind.

Give selflessly.

And then there are the emails.

Emails that I get from countless moms.

Emails just like this one.

I have never emailed anyone after reading their blog. Left a comment, yes,
but email? No. But I can’t NOT contact you after reading your story,
especially the line where you wrote about having your children see a
cardiologist and a neurologist. I have never met someone in such a similar
position as us. Our older daughter was born with a heart defect and had
her 2nd open heart surgery 6 months ago. Just over a year ago our younger
daughter started having seizures and last August was diagnosed with
epilepsy. Actually her diagnosis and the announcement by our cardiologist
of the 2nd surgery looming was the same week. Still not sure how I
survived that week! So we make the trek into the big city regularly to see
the cardiologist and neurologist and fill prescriptions monthly. Something
in your story just made me feel I am not alone in bearing these heavy,
beautiful weights of our precious children’s medical conditions and I had
to write and say Thank You.
You are right; life doesn’t go as planned, but one thing I have learned
is that He gives us each day our daily bread, not yearly bread, so I take
it one day at a time, and sometimes simply one footstep at a time.

And the computer screen is blurry by the end of it.

For that mama.

For her family.

For her struggles.

For my selfish impulses.

For how quick I am to want to give up.

For how little faith I have in the God who whispered this hair brained idea to me one day.

For the true nature of my heart condition rearing its ugly head and making it known to me.

This isn’t about me. This isn’t about me. This isn’t about me.

Shall be my daily mantra.

I should make a sign.  Put it smack in the middle of my kitchen.

Not only about this blog. But in all things.

This isn’t about me.

How beautiful is the line

“bearing these heavy, beautiful weights of our precious children…”

Thank you readers.

For reminding me.

For connecting.

For reading.

For being the mamas you are to your littles.

For finding joy in the rearrangements.

For glorifying Him through the pain and the unknown.

Have a fantastic Mother’s Day.  Don’t get wrapped up in the gifts, flowers, chocolates.  Enjoy your babies.  No matter how old they are.

Savor their heavy, beautiful weights…because no one ever said being a mama was gonna be easy.

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jeannett

I'm a mom to four. A wife to one. I believe in story. I love telling you about mine and would love to hear yours. There's really no sense in wasting our suffering and not sharing in each other's joy. We're all in this together...even if it doesn't always feel like it.

@jeannettg

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jeannett

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