It seems as though my Facebook feed has been gushing about how great and funny and heartwarming and [insert positive comment here] about the movie Mom’s Night Out is for weeks (months?) now. In fact, I haven’t seen a single negative, or even lukewarm review of the movie. Not once.
Admittedly, I watch very few movies a year, but this one tugged at my interest and I found myself really wanting to see it. Life happens, and so it came and went at theaters, but when I saw it at the local Red Box, I excitedly rented it.
And I was completely shocked by how awful it was. Certainly there were some sweet moments and uplifting moments, but overall? Not my gig.
When I posted a status on my Facebook page asking if there was a form I could fill out to get my hour and a half back, there were many of you who said you enjoyed it (which I’m glad you did!), and many more asking for a full review. And so, here are my thoughts, because y’all asked:
As the movie opened, I felt myself totally relating to the main character, aspiring blogger Allyson. Her opening narration told a story I deeply related to: Being A Mom Is So Much Harder and Overwhelming Than I Ever Imagined. She described getting up early to clean, only to find that the house was never really clean (check and check). Having a husband who traveled regularly (types she as her own husband is on an airplane at that very moment). Feeling stressed and rattled and just plain in over her head. She called it having Moments. I call it Losing My S*%t. Same diff.
I sort of burrowed down in my couch cushion, excited at how great this movie was going to be. It was touching all the right nerves in all the right heart feely places.
The part where she admitted to her husband: “When I was a little girl I dreamed of this. This is what I wanted. To be married and be a mom. I’m living my dream, but I’m not happy.”
That familiar lump in my throat threatened. I could so relate. I snuggled up to my husband and smugly thought he might be getting a glimpse into my world this evening.
But then…all of those moments of relating to the character ended.
Perhaps because the movie is classified a comedy rather than drama, every emotion, every situation, every circumstance was so highly exaggerated (for comedic effect?), that I was just annoyed. Rather than feel camaraderie and sympathy for the main character, I was completely annoyed by her. To the point where her voice was literally grating. I wanted to reach into my screen, grab her by the shoulders and GET A GRIP CHICK.
Now this is where I have to pause: I get it. Truly. I get it. I have had those days before. We all have. The problem was not that Allyson was stressed out…it was to the sheer level and consistency that she was stressed out. Her anxiety was so over the top, in every situation, every circumstance, that it was no longer something I would consider normal. I vacillated between being aggravated by her, to feeling deeply sorry for her. (More on this in a bit.)
The basic premise of the movie is that three women: Stressed Out Allyson, Hip and Confident Izzy, and Pastor’s Wife Shondra go on a much needed Mom’s Night Out. As is to be expected, hi jinks and ridiculousness ensue. As one of my readers said “It was like someone just wanted to make a clean version of The Hangover.” I vote yes.
The situations were so over the top and unrealistic I personally found them ridiculous, and shy of a few moments, mostly unfunny. The movie relied so much on slapstick antics that it missed out on the poignant and clever moments that are inherently funny (and important) when you want to make a movie that sets out to encourage moms in this Hardest Job.
In addition to the crazy, totally left field circumstances the moms find themselves in, there were some seriously missed opportunities throughout:
Practically Perfect In Every Way Pastor’s Wife Shondra: Sure, they showed her having issues with her (mildly) rebellious teenage daughter, and there was the cliche revelation that Pastor’s Wife had a tattoo and had been to Woodstock in her early days, but beyond that, I think this was a HUGELY missed opportunity for character development. Shondra still always knew just what to say, was always the voice of reason, and never lost her mind, no matter how ridiculous the night’s events went on. I believe that delving into the truth behind what it’s like to have everything look Perfect and Pretty on the outside, versus what the truth is on the inside was not only glossed over, but sadly missing. I kept waiting for the emotional monologue where she admits how hard it is for her to Be Who Everyone Expects Her To Be, or the pressures she faces with her husband’s vocation, or how she struggles with how much to share with her daughter from her own past…anything. Instead, the most we get is a “I had those days too”. Blah. You don’t have to be a Pastor’s Wife to feel the pressures of what your life looks like on the outside versus what it looks like on a Random Tuesday. That would have been a phenomenal way to connect with audiences and I’m sure there’s comedy in there somewhere. There always is in real life.
Man as Incompetent Baffoon: With the exception of Allyson’s husband, all of the men in the movie followed the same formula secular Hollywood feeds us everyday: Men are idiots, and without the women home, disaster will ensue. It will all end in some heart warming bedtime story scene, but not before a whirlwind of missteps, hospital visits, and life-threatening car chases. I don’t know about you guys, but I can leave my husband home with the kids, and shy of the dinosaur chicken nuggets and potato chips dinner my kids will likely be served for dinner, he does as good, if not better job, than I do. I’m really tired of this narrative. For my husband. For my sons.
Izzy: Of all the characters, she was my favorite, but of all the characters, she was the one who made the least sense to me. Izzy is the hip, fashion forward, calm, cool, collected best friend. Izzy seems to have it mostly together in an imperfect, realistic kind of way. But, Izzy is married to a guy who apparently has three phobias, two of which include bikers and CHILDREN (I can’t remember the third). Marco literally spends the entirety of the movie PETRIFIED of children of all kinds/types, including those of his own loins. And when I say scared, I mean terrified. He behaves as if he is going to faint from fright when a small child talks to him at church. Izzy has to coax him lovingly through the experience. At one point, Izzy mentions that Marco has never been home alone with the twins before. Never. Said twins appear to be 2 years old. First of all, I cannot comprehend how Cool as a Cucumber Izzy would ever, in a million years, marry a guy who literally walks around like he’s afraid of his own shadow. The match up seems SO implausible, I couldn’t picture them as a couple. But more than that, if there were any of the moms who could have been stressed to the nth degree, it would be poor Izzy who has twins boys (!!!), a husband who doesn’t help with them, and whom she also has to handle with kid gloves. And did I mention she just found out she’s pregnant? (Not that the movie ever bothers with that information beyond a pee on a stick moment. Which, is also a wasted opportunity for Real Life Grit and a perfect point to get into that Happy/Terrified thing we feel when we’re already exhausted but expecting another.) Yet, still mostly calm and collected. I. Don’t. Get. It.
There was way too much focus and energy spent on unnecessary car chases and jail scenes, and not enough on the actual meat of Mom Life. The bulk of the movie hinges on this crazy Baby Hunt (you’ll have to see it to understand). I understand that it’s a comedy. I do. But the best movies, in my opinion, are those where you fall in love with the characters and can relate to their dilemmas. You laugh because you see the nugget of truth. The funniest things are those you can relate to. Being funny is being clever. Funny would have been spending more time in Allyson’s home so the viewer could see the all too real shenanigans of her children. A missed opportunity (and yet again unrealistic moment) in the movie came during dinnertime in Allyson’s home. Her husband had invited his sister to dinner unannounced, and she was stuck “whipping something up”. This had promise. Good. Real life. Except that, during the actual scene (which is where Sean has the epiphany that she needs to go out for a night), the kids are nowhere to be seen. There is an adult conversation going on. And the dinner table looks pretty darn clean and orderly. Real Life Version: No one can get a word in edge wise. No actual conversation of meaning takes place. The baby has spaghetti smeared into his hair. The middle child breaks a cup sending milk and shards of glass everywhere. The oldest won’t stop asking bizarre questions about bats. And none of the kids will eat the food mom spent an hour preparing because it’s “yucky”. Not to mention that no one can skip baths tonight on account of the spaghetti mess, and there’s still dishes and bedtime and stories and so. many. glasses. of. water.
AMIRIGHT?
You don’t have to mastermind weird biker gang scenes WHEN THERE ARE THINGS AS FANTASTICALLY INSANE AS DINNERTIME WITH KIDS.
But the biggest, most glaring, I really can’t get past it thing was Allyson, the main character.
There is a scene where her husband finds her literally “hiding from the house” in her closet. She’s inhaled an entire sleeve of cookies and is curled up in a ball watching a movie in her portable DVD player.
Listen, I’ve absolutely hidden in a closet eating candy. NO DOUBT. In fact, I’m 100% positive I’ve instagrammed myself in a closet with an Oreo. But when you watch the movie, Allyson’s behavior actually points to something more serious than run-of-the-mill-albeit-hidden-in-shame mama stress. In fact, the way that the movie depicts Allyson’s stress level actually points to a very real possibility that she suffers from depression and/or anxiety that needs medical attention.
Again, hear me out: we’re all stressed. We all have Hide In The Closet days. I don’t want to gloss over that. But watch the movie: she’s over the top not only in the height of her stress levels but the constant-ness of them. I realize that writers were using dramatic flair for the purpose of comedy, but I think this walks a dangerously fine line between Artistic License and Perpetuating Myth and Shame.
Allyson’s behavior day in and day out was more than Normal Mama Crazy. Allyson needed her husband to gently point her in the direction of a night out, a day spa, and a medical professional.
And in the end?
Allyson spends an insanely, non-relaxing and anything but rejuvenating night out and wakes up to an immaculately clean and sparkling house with fresh flowers on the kitchen counter and a laptop ready and waiting for her to write words of wisdom. Her three children are nowhere to be seen (even though the sun is clearly up), the house is a bastion of calm and serenity. She types how what she needed wasn’t a new life, but a new perspective. How she still has bad days, but she has a new outlook that helps guide her through.
Days later, she has a super fun social life with her friends, and her husband announces that she suddenly has an active and growing blog following.
The notion that all it takes to solve an acutely stressed mom’s problems is a night out and a change in perspective is a narrative that is not only wrong, but is downright dangerous.
I love me a girl’s night out as much as the next girl. And I need my girls. Truly.
I am an active proponent and regularly practice the art of Changed Perspective. I regularly pray and blog and do what I can to adjust how I see and how to find the beauty in the chaos. My mantra: God is good. Always. No matter what. That’s basically a fancy way of saying Change Your Perspective.
And yes, it helps. A girl’s night out and a control+alt+delete on my heart condition are crucial to my mental health.
But I can assure you that my house is not suddenly magically cleaned to sparkling order the next morning. My blog does not suddenly grow in just a few days’ or even months’ time.
The house is still a chaotic mess. The kids are still insane. My mornings are still hectic. I still lose my ever loving mind THE VERY NEXT DAY.
To imply to moms that it’s really simple, just buck up and you’ll be fine, perpetuates the myth that It’s All Normal. Because sometimes it’s not. Depression and anxiety are real conditions that many moms face and yet do not get the help they need because society continues to feed them the lie that all they have to do is Find the Beauty. Choose Joy. Perk Up. Go Out Bowling. It’ll all be fine.
WE HAVE TO BE CAREFUL WITH ONE ANOTHER, FRIENDS. We must be cautious with each other’s experiences. We cannot continue to chalk it all up to Normal when it isn’t always. And we certainly can’t be encouraging to our mamas who need help if we keep painting the picture that it’s up to them and everything will be clean and orderly if they just try hard enough. No and no.
I’m not suggesting a comedy has to grapple with the intense issues of depression. What I am saying is that we have to be careful to use exaggerated acting as a way to convey humor when in real life, it would be anything but funny. And to end it with a fairy tale happily ever after? That’s when it gets downright irresponsible. One or both elements should have been eliminated.
Perhaps the fault is my own. Perhaps the fact that I waited so long to watch the movie, and fueled by all the glowing reviews from people I love and respect, I had too high of expectations. Perhaps I’m not giving the movie a fair shake. Perhaps I’m over analyzing and not just “enjoying it”. Perhaps I am assigning too much responsibility on something in the comedy section. (Although a quick skim of the movie’s Facebook page implies that they were truly trying to do more than illicit laughs, and were actually aiming to inspire and encourage.)
I suppose I just expected more than slapstick comedy. I thought this movie was more than just cheap laughs and over the top situational comedy. I guess I expected it to be encouraging and uplifting and to truly shed some light on the Real Life Every Day Hard that is being a mom. With some laughs. Because because being a mom is funny. Sometimes laughing while you’re crying because it’s all so damn ridiculous. I didn’t think it needed to be so exaggerated to be funny. Because motherhood really is hysterical in its own right.
No implausible hi jinks needed.
If you or someone you know may be struggling with depression, please take them out for a night on the town. Buy them flowers for their kitchen counter. And if that doesn’t seem like quite enough, please help them seek help. This is might be a good place to start.
Love you all. Even if we have different tastes in movies.
Latest posts by jeannett (see all)
- Dirt in a Jar, Laundry Scientists, and Clean Water - October 20, 2015
- Because Cake. - October 11, 2015
- How to design a luxury bathroom for less - August 12, 2015
Agreed. I picked all that up from the previews alone.
I truly enjoyed it and was encouraged. It’s not like I learned anything I didn’t already know, but it certainly felt validating and made me laugh a lot. That was enough for me. I think you are way over-analyzing it. I think all the characters were over-done for drama (hello, Izzy’s husband?) but I just…sat back and enjoyed it. Sorry you weren’t able to do the same.
I agree with Jenny–I think you’re over analyzing it. I don’t know how you are able to ever enjoy a movie with that mindset! I think it’s just supposed to be a fun movie for us to enjoy and have a good laugh, not really to walk away with some deep emotional connection and understanding about our role as mothers.
I’m so behind the times I’ve never even heard of the movie! And I don’t even live in a cave!! Hmm Now I’m curious. I guess I’ll have to see it!
I think this is the. best. movie review I have ever read. It makes me want to see the movie you described in your critiques!! Need a screenwriting partner? ;)
p.s. who cares if you were overanalyzing it. yes, a movie is meant to be entertaining but what’s wrong with wanting more?
p.p.s. I, too, H.A.T.E. the “dumb Dad” stereotypes. My husband is an excellent Dad, and I have ZERO worries when I go out for my own Mom nights.
Brilliant. (Your review, not the movie.) Thank you so much for writing this. You could have watched the movie, not liked it, and gone on your merry way — no need to ruffle interfeathers. But you, in pure YOU fashion, kept it so real with us, as always. I needed that today. Not so much the review, but the real. xoxox
Totally not on my radar. Life is pretty hectic. Too hectic to spend on a movie you don’t like. Do over!
Cheers,
Caryl
I recently watched this movie first with my wife and then with my 15 yr old daughter. It was not the movie I was expecting it to be. Had I known it was from Affirm Films, It would not have taken me by surprise. I read various like and dislike reviews after watching the move while I was trying to wrap my head around its reception which does seem rather bipolar (not surprising for any movie with a Christian message).
For me I really enjoyed it– I genuinely laughed many times at things that were simply funny. I’m talking Andy Griffith funny, not the least bit sleazy/off-color/double entendre/etc. It’s a lost art in movies and that alone allowed me to enjoy the movie. I realize I’m not in the majority with that opinion.
A couple thoughts about your take on the movie:
1) To me It is a comedy with a nugget of truth at the center to make a wholesome point about Christian motherhood. I did not see Allyson as the ‘main character’. Being a dad, she is also not the one I identified with. For me, the ‘main character’s of the play were the 4 family units and the nuggets of truth spoken at various times in the movie. To me– those were the players involved.
2) You describe Allyson as potentially clinically depressed. Yet the movie would indicate that she was not. *Her* issue was solved by the perspective of a Christian attitude toward her life and her expectations for her life vs God’s attitude toward her life and His expectations for her life. Had she been clinically depressed, the change in perspective would most likely not been enough. You indicate that it is a ‘downright dangerous’ notion and wrong to purport that such a thing is possible. Please note, I do not think that the crazy night out was in any way required or helpful in her peace portrayed at the end of the movie– to me it was *only* the change in perspective. Perhaps I am naive, but I simply don’t accept the notion that *every* case of parental blues requires medication, or is doomed to end dangerously bad. Rather I think there is a non-so-insignificant portion where a solid change in perspective can do wonders. This is a story about such a case. I can appreciate your position that the exaggerated nature of her crazy life and her reaction to it makes it perhaps less realistic that here level of ‘blues’ is so easily resolvable, but I think comedy allows for such unlikely scenarios.
3) When I watched the movie, I took the end scenes to be weeks or months after the night out event. As you point out– I don’t think such changes happen over night. Much is left unsaid about how she found a serene moment of clean house to blog during– but I would presume that she had many many such moments *before* the event. But those moments were pressed down in her mind and overclouded by the crazy ones explored so much in the movie. By changing her perspective, we see her instead of obsessing over the rough moments, enjoying a particularly good moment. I don’t think the movie is trying to deceive us into thinking that the day after a crazy night out would lead to such serenity overnight. That’s too bald-faced crazy to me (or I would argue anyone) to presume. My take on it was that Allyson distorted her reality– obsessing over the crazy and disorder in her life. We learn an exaggerated depiction of that existence– many of the scenes in the movie were images in her head only– worst case scenarios of her imagination. Would her final blog scene realistically taken place without a child’s interruption or at such a pristine table? Probably no more so than all the exaggerated scenes of chaos would have realistically taken place. But one’s perspective can allow us to focus on the good or the bad in our lives– so for me that final scene worked very well. But I did not for one minute believe that the film was telling me that overnight things got perfect. I think the majority of folks realize that is not reality.
I have not seen the movie, and never had much desire to. Your review confirms a lot of my expectations for the movie. I don’t enjoy that type of comedy (and I also dislike the “dumb dad” stereotype). I will watch it if it comes to cable, but it is probably enjoy going out to see.
After reading your review I had to watch it. And in my I am totally exhausted, want to puke my brains out, pregnant state, I totally love the movie. I would how ever love to watch the movie with your add ins and it made me think perhaps you should become a screen writing, your character analyzes was awesome. So I enjoyed your review and totally enjoyed the movie!! Thanks for making me watch it!