A post I wrote last week seemed to have touched a nerve.
It was shared widely, and with the extended reach, far beyond my usual close knit circle of regular readers, it also brought with it some criticisms. Which, I wasn’t the least bit surprised by. Some of the comments were interesting and gave me new insight, and some…well, some I don’t want to touch with a ten foot pole.
But I do want to address one of the comments. Not one, singular mention…but a comment that was made often, in many arenas on the world wide web. And it went something like this:
“This is crazy. Anything anyone says can be offensive to anyone anywhere. I’m tired of all the Political Correctness everyone demands. I can’t believe we are spending even one minute on this conversation.”
And to that I say this:
Of course I realize that it is nearly impossible to not offend someone in some way, even if unintentionally. I could tell you that I went to the beach yesterday, and a near death experience you had at sea may come rushing back and send you to a therapist’s couch to re-process through the terrifying events. All because I built sand castles with my kids on Tuesday. (Which, I would never do. Because sand.)
I can assure you that if you know me in real life you would be able to point to a time my words hurt you. Even if I didn’t in a million years mean it. That’s the way of things. We bumble around this world and bump into things as we go, knocking into hearts and souls along the way. The only way to avoid hurting another with our words would be a call to being mute. Although I would imagine that somehow that would be offensive to someone too. So, we can never really win, can we?
Someone somewhere is going to get their feelings hurt. Always. Forever. Truth.
But here’s the real thing:
My post was not a call to Political Correctness.
My post was a call to Community.
I believe with all of my being that God gives us each a Story. Unique and varied and in some cases wildly different than that of anyone you meet. You may find someone who’s Story has similar veins as yours, but never quite exactly the same. Your heart may jump when you find a kindred traveler, and excitedly, sitting on the edge of your seat compare how you know just how they feel, voices getting louder with excitement and you’ll be amazed…but always and forever there will be differences. And always and forever there will be similarities. Even if your Story takes place in the Caribbean and mine takes place in California. Always similarities.
I do not believe that God gives us these incredible stories to be kept to ourselves. It seems too precious a gift to store away in a locked box in the back corner of the closet.
Story, I believe, should reside on the top shelf in the living room. Prominent, yet protected. Perhaps with some of that earthquake putty to keep it from being shattered by careless hands.
My post was a coffee date with you. The one where we sneak away, long after babies are kissed and tucked away, the moon shining silver above us. We settle in with steaming froth and bitter beans, and we share.
You say: “Here is something I think about sometimes. And this is why. Because this is part of my Story. And this is how it makes me feel. Because everything I see and hear and feel and taste is colored by my Story. The earth I walk is seen through lenses that no one else owns. So I thought I’d let you know. Because you are my friend. And my Story matters.”
And I cock my head, furrow my brow, shift in my seat and say: “That’s interesting. I’ve never thought about it like that before. I’m not sure I completely understand, but thank you, friend for telling me. Now let me tell you what I think about that by telling you a piece of my Story. Because my lenses are different and I’m happy to let you borrow them for a minute so you can see too.”
And so it goes.
And when the time is up, our Stories are shared, our cups empty, we peel ourselves from the overstuffed chairs in that cozy corner, as far from the whirring blenders as we can manage, and we hug tight. Deeply. Because now we see from each other’s lenses. And our hearts are changed. Subtly. Almost imperceptibly. In that way that God sometimes works, in the tinniest creases of our hearts.
We go out into the world and, without even realizing it, we see things from your Storied lens. Because you were vulnerable enough to share it.
And we are better people for it.
And so, sweet friends, I want you to know. My post was not a call to Political Correctness at all. Nor was it a whining complaint to make others feel guilty.
My post was my Story. An impossibly delicate scrap of lace, tattered and torn, with edges that are beginning to fray. Haphazardly hemmed with off colored thread because I could only do the best I could with what I had. Stained with tears and grit and wrinkled from white knuckled grip.
But it’s so impossibly beautiful too. So gorgeous that I can’t keep it secret. So stunningly imperfect, I must show it to you. God’s gift to me was this Story, and He doesn’t want me to keep it all to myself.
So I place my scrap at your feet. Vulnerable and terrified. But it’s so beautiful you must see it. You must.
And I want to see yours too.
I promise I’ll be careful with it.
Political Correctness is best left to the lawyers and Washington. I much prefer seeing what God chose for you.
And coffee. Coffee always helps.
Latest posts by jeannett (see all)
- Dirt in a Jar, Laundry Scientists, and Clean Water - October 20, 2015
- Because Cake. - October 11, 2015
- How to design a luxury bathroom for less - August 12, 2015
Any true reader of yours probably knew what you meant. But this is a wonderful way of explaining. Without rehashing details. #always
Katie´s last blog post ..Peace Perspective I
Beautifully said…
I just love your blog because I do feel exactly like this after I read it! Like a friend listening to a piece of your heart…totally real and uncensured! Thank you for that!
Beautiful, Jeannett! I loved the first post, and so many of the comments broke my heart. I feel like we have gotten so caught up in being PC that no one is allowed to have a story anymore. Thank you so much for sharing yours. Don’t ever ever stop. It makes me feel brave to share mine!
Heather @ It’s A Long Story´s last blog post ..#onelittleword 2014: Goals
This is a beautiful response. And truthfully this is how I see your blog. Your Story is vastly different from my own, though there are some similarities. I always find it interesting to see others take on life and what they have or are going through. We can learn from it all. Much love.
Awww, Jeannett, I get you. I’m so sorry you’ve had to encounter so much with your Jilly, but I know you wouldn’t trade it or her for the world. I love that you encourage Story and Community. I struggle with blogging {especially since for some reason my 22 year old daughter reads it and takes offense to pretty much everything I write because it’s all about her… of course it is. Not.} and how my words are public, and my thoughts mine… I don’t know. It’s hard to articulate, but I love that you are inviting Community. Even if that is messy.
Lord help us if we always have to talk about the weather… because you know somewhere someone is having to scrape their car windows with more than a credit card and might get offended that it’s only 32 where you live. Relax, people. We all have Story. Listen more. Judge less. Learn a little. Journey together. Empathize more. Join hands. Disagree. Always with love and respect.
Keep Storying. I love you to pieces and have learned so much from you.
Kimber´s last blog post ..Encouragement
I always thank you for the story. Maybe not online but always. Because the conversation is important too.
Caryl
Am I understanding this correctly? You speak from the heart, sharing something that, unless our shoes fit somewhat the same as yours, we were very likely unaware. Other people react to this as enfringement of their ability to speak what to them comes out naturally and sincerely? It seems to me that if anyone sincerely wants to be kind, In this case to (or as) an expectant mother, it stands to reason that they would want to become aware that those kind words may not be so kind to someone listening. But then, who am I? Just someone who would never, never knowingly hurt a child, or hopefully, an adult. Thanks for your perspective. It opened my mind and my eyes.
beautifully said….I love that we can all come together to hear each other’s story…we don’t have to fully comprehend it but to listen is so powerful. Thanks for the courage to share your story and your life so wonderfully.
Lisa Quick´s last blog post ..easy fridge picker upper
Well said. Too often we hide those stories, which are the most important parts of us, from others for fear of offending or being “politically incorrect”.
So so so beautiful. I’m so glad you highlighted your words in that pretty font, too, because I think one of your gifts in writing is rhythm, and that quote had it, my Dear. (Another is comedy – from your other posts. You have many writing talents.) Also? Such heart! I love the idea of being protective with our stories, and extending that protectiveness to others as well. <3
This is beautiful. I am so happy you continue to tell your story without apology. Your story is yours as God gave it to you. Your story has opened my eyes and made me think differently many times over.
beautifully said, Jeannett
Bravo and Amen! Thank you for sharing your STORY.
Truth and vulnerability reign, my Dear.
Blessings….
Susan @SugarBeans.org´s last blog post ..Getting a little organized over here!
Love. You are the best.
Amen sister!
I’m glad you wrote this. I also read your response to my post from the last article. Thank you for that as well. I was one of the first to say it was an overreaction to a simple statement. I do understand the call to community and that the real message should be to be thoughtful with our words. It’s not just that one throw away line, but all throw away lines, all quick responses. Our words are powerful and resonate far beyond what we think they do. Kind of like the pebble in a pond effect. To that, there is also the spoken vs. written word. A lot gets lost in translation in just the written word which is why you probably got so much backlash. It wasn’t written as you describe here – your story, a simple here’s what I am thinking. It was written very much like a wag your finger you shouldn’t do that which of course sets tons of people off. It clearly isn’t what you intended but it goes back to that written vs. spoken tone where things are lost in the mix. Keep on doing what you are doing. I love your blog and will keep coming back. Thanks for it all.
My oh my, Jeanette. You are such a lovely writer. I’ll always love your posts. And your call for community. Thank you for sharing your stories – you’re a gift (and you share the stories that lots of people can’t, which is IMMENSELY important).
Erika´s last blog post ..24 Things For 24 Years
Thank you for your previous post and this one. I’m new to your blog—just landing here from the Art of Simple.
Your post did not sound at all “wagging-a-finger”-ish to me, but I have a similar lens. It reminded me of a conversation with my mom. I was pregnant, and we didn’t learn the gender with our first pregnancy so I was often saying that phrase, “So long as the baby’s healthy” or “we just want a healthy baby.” And we did, and I know my mom wished that for us too, but one day she shared with me how she heard those words. My sister Karen has CP, and seizures. I haven’t read enough of your blog to know whether your daughter’s case is similar to Karen’s. She didn’t have your words to express it exactly, but my mom, who passed away in 2012, felt that particular pang whenever she heard those words, as if her reality was the one already rejected by others in the phrase “as long as it’s healthy”—and as if she hadn’t wished this hard enough herself, because of course that is a given, we all want our children to have healthy lives.
I so wish blogs like yours had been around in those early days of my mom’s motherhood. The community you build, for women in similar and vastly different circumstances, is a true gift.
Deirdre´s last blog post ..Best of 2013: Music
I truly enjoyed the first post and appreciate this one as well. It is always good to see situations through other’s eyes. And like you noted in both posts, it’s your opinion and from your point of view. I always enjoy your posts and thank you for all of them!
That imaginary conversation above. Yes, that is exactly how I read that post. It was and still is thought provoking to me; stretching me to think deeper and differently. I love it!
This is beautiful. And your story is so beautiful. Thank you for offering it even though sometimes people don’t take care of it. I think you are so brave to share. To me your first post is not about being politically correct it is about kindness and being gentle with each other. If you are saying words or not saying words just to be politically correct I don’t think your words matter much because you are only giving words and not your heart. If you are truly trying to look through another person’s lenses then you will give them your heart and love and hopefully the perfect words to go with them. But if the words aren’t perfect maybe the love can fill in the rest.
I also didn’t read it as a wag of the finger… You shared how you feel about something and why. Too often people spout off opinions or demands without any background or reasoning…
I have a disability that I gained as an adult. A life threatening disability that altered my world as I knew it.
I can only say I’m grateful it was me and not my child or my husband…. And I have grappled with feeling worthless… Because I’m not the woman my husband married. I’m jot the mother my child was born with. I have spent several of the last few years since I became unable to work feeling and believing that I had nothing to contribute to my own family other than financial and medical catastrophes… Much less the world outside your walls…
Much of that is because of our throw away society….
We don’t value people, generally speaking, for who they are. They are valued because of what they do or what they bring to the table as their offering. We weigh our relationships in a balance of tick marks….pros and cons. Ready to walk away when the balance tips one way or the other. We identify ourselves by our actions. “I am a medical technologist.” “I am a Jon smoker.” “I am a stay at home mom.” “I am a website designer ” “I am a blogger.” These things are uttered with pride in our accomplishments… How often does someone boast they are a cashier at Wal-Mart or a fry cook at McDonald’s. Rarely. If ever. How many boast “well, I used to be this but now, thanks to exposures to chemicals, physical trauma, and faulty genetics, I’m mostly a lump who manages my household from the couch or bed because I can’t get around and when I push myself too hard I throw myself into neurological flares that lead to weeks or months of vertigo, dizziness, tremors so bad I can’t hold a girl and must eat everything with a spoon lest someone just feed me…. ”
No one.
How often do we hear people justify what they feel isn’t acceptable or up to snuff. “I’m working at Wal-Mart right now, but it’s only until I get my degree/find something better/the economy improves…”
I identified myself with pride… I was a med tech. With multiple science degrees. I still have the degrees. But there’s days I can’t walk and my husband has to help me bathe.
Our lack of respect for others is evident in our treatment of our elderly… Current politics… Every where…
If I as an adult could doubt my worth because of what I’m no longer able to do…. How much more for a child who hasn’t yet developed a sense of self at all… Has never really had a sense of accomplishment or identify associated with their actions in a world that teaches that you are what you do/are capable of doing.
I didn’t find your post offensive at all…. I found it heart felt…. From your heart.
On your blog.
I wrote a blog a few months back on living with integrity. I can’t begin to express the hate mail I got… From family members!
I read blogs for the communication with another person. To feel like I have met someone I truly enjoy hearing from.
If I wasn’t here for you, or didn’t like that you had your own thoughts, there’s always my own blog/Facebook page… Or to simply click the little X….
I have pointed out the little X and invited people to leave on multiple occasions.
You wouldn’t go to someone’s home, eat their meal, then tell them they cooked it all wrong. Or to tell another guest at your table that their way of using their fork to eat their meal is incorrect or even offensive…
Why then do we feel that we must or even CAN go to someone’s blog and tell them their thoughts on an issue are wrong?
The audacity sometimes blows my mind.
melle e´s last blog post ..Buzzz…. Buzzzz… It’s swarming Bumblebees!
thank you for your comment!! It explains so much of what I have felt growing up.
So incredibly beautiful. I read both posts and agree with you 1000% percent. I love reading your Story – all the gorgeous parts of it – and I also feel that this is why God put us here. To share our stories.
Jenn´s last blog post ..Keep Climbing
I didn’t read your other post. At least not yet. In fact, I just found your blog accidentally through a google search on something quite different.
I agree with your sentiment here and want you to know that first of all. The problem is that words really do matter and influence. Without knowing what the other post was or the specific reactions, I think sometimes it’s easy to have good intentions while using actually reasoning that doesn’t really help or solve a problem. Does that make any sense?
I guess I’m commenting a bit to defend those who may have been upset at your comments. Maybe they, like you, were just sharing what was important to them because, maybe, they could see implications or applications of your words that you didn’t see.
Anyway, I appreciated your post here and look forward to reading more.
Alison Moore Smith´s last blog post ..Career Inequality No More – Obama Will Pay You to Be a Super Model!!!