So, there’s this Thing I’m up against now.
As if there weren’t enough Things for moms to balance, juggle, and mediate, right?
![IMG_4007[1]](http://liferearranged.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/IMG_40071.jpg)
The All Classroom Birthday Party Invite.
Yeah, yeah…the whole, you don’t want to invite two of your favorite friends, because the other kids will get their feelings hurt gig.
Kinda reminds me of the Everyone Gets a Trophy Even If You Came In Last Place gig, but I digress.
I don’t know why parents can’t seek out the couple of kids’ parents after school, or tuck a small envelope in their respective cubbies quietly…but this whole Invite Everyone thing is KILLING ME.
EVERY WEEK either Henry or Lucy seems to come home with another little envelope. (Jilly goes to a third school, but apparently special needs parents didn’t get the Everyone Plays memo…).
Every week I think “Hey look, it’s another birthday party we won’t be going to.”
I know, I’m a jerk. Totally.
But look…if I took my kids to every party they were invited to, our lazy Saturdays would be a long forgotten memory. And with three kids in three schools, a dad who travels for work often, and just general Life…Saturdays are pretty sacred in my book. Family time.
And I know it sounds like it’s just an hour out of the day, but you know how it goes…stop everything you are doing midday, shower, dress, drive, a gift!, run through Target, go to party…eats up a handful of hours before you know it.
I do appreciate the gesture. I understand the reasons behind it. But it’s TOO MUCH. Every cotton pickin’ week!!!
A good friend has a birthday? Sweet. We are totally there. With bells on. Or at least matching shoes. Same thing in this house.
And here’s the OTHER thing…I am not a shy violet. Nope. You grab a random person off the street and tell me I have to sit and have coffee with them for two hours…done. I’m game. No problem. It’ll be fun.
Toss me into a room of a bunch of random people I don’t know and make me have SMALL TALK with them?
I want to go all Oedipus status and gouge out my eyes.
It’s bad.
Baaaaaad.
I don’t know you. I don’t have time to get to know you. We can only talk about the weather and our kids’ teacher for about three minutes before it gets aaaawwwwwkward and we do that thing where we pretend we have to check on our kid even though we totally don’t.
Can’t. handle. it.
And do this just about every weekend?
Oh heck no techno.
I have never been so glad in my life that every one of my kids’ birthdays is in the summer.
The stinky part of all of this is that the kids ask about the party and get all bummed out when we don’t go or they remember after the fact. So basically, I’m Mean Mom on a somewhat weekly basis.
Thanks Parents of Other Random Classmates.
Appreciate that.
How do you approach classroom birthday invites? Do you go to them? Do you invite everyone?
*As an aside, I do want to say that I understand why parents invite the class. It’s me. Not them. Truly.
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dillon’s school has that rule too. but, you also have the option of inviting only the boys if you’re a boy and only the girls if you’re a girl. last year there were 26 kids in his class and he wanted some of the boys and some of the girls… not all of them. so i handed out invites after school to the parents that did the pick up and snail mailed the other kiddos their invites. no way i was inviting 26 kid, especially at the age where parents come and stay… and in the case of his class – it’s generally BOTH parents that come! that would be over 80 people once you throw in a few siblings who are bound to come. today invites are going out to the select few again and once again in stealth mode.
also, on the other side of the argument is the kid who told my kid, “i didn’t want to invite you to my party but my mom made me.” seriously wanted to punch the kid. ugh.
My daughter is in preschool and we try to go to every party we are invited to. They are exhausting but my daughter loves them and it gives me a chance to talk with the other parents about our children, their school, and their activities.
Ha! Oh gosh girl, I so feel you; I think that’s one of the perks of homeschooling for me. My kids are 8 and 6 and 1, and my 8 and 6 year old just had their very first “friend” party this year…”friend” being literal. They invited one person. We are such low key peeps. And there is no way on earth that I could handle bday parties all the time. no. way.
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We don’t attend school parties unless it is a “friend” not just a classmate (like someone we hang out with otherwise or go to church with etc…) We don’t invite the class to the party, (if we even have one) but I do let the birthday boy pick whatever obnoxious treats are allowed and take them to the classmates….way back I also started a 10.00 or less policy for birthday gifts, my boys know it and follow it, no fights at all, they even help me bargain shop! As they have gotten older those have turned into gift cards, or even a real ten dollar bill in card. Saves headaches and maybe we have one or two parties a month….Good Luck :)
Right on mean momma. I’m in total agreement w/ya. Sacred Saturdays? YES they are.
Sooo with you!! I have four kids – 17,15, 11, and 9. I made the mistake a couple of times with the older two allowing attendance to a classmates bday party that I didn’t know – BIG mistake, so I stopped doing it. Unless we know the family we don’t go. And yes, there is some whining but they get over it. Yes, I am “the mean mom that won’t let them do anything” but that’s okay I’m not in this to be popular. You are not alone :)
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Oh Momma! That is frustrating! I’m pretty sure I was allowed to invite as many people as the age I was turning. I think its just fine to be the mean mom, as long as you acknowledge the truly special birthdays. Plus, as I got older, if I didn’t want to hang out with certain people, I would say “my mom won’t let me” and would get out of it!
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My mom also had this brilliant rule. I agree and disagree with the all or nothing rule. IF invitations are going to be distributed at school, then I’d prefer the all or nothing. But I can’t ever see us going that route. My kid is 3.5 and on average gets invited to 15-20 a year between his little friends and the kids in our circle of friends. We pick and choose but usually make it to 75%. Thankfully, a lot of people say “no gifts” please (and actually mean it).
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I work weekends, and my husband dose not have an automobile to fit all our children. That is how we get out of it for now. We make an exception if it is a close friend of theirs.
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Right with you, I am a “mean momma” too. Weekends are sacred and we only go to the party if it is a really good friend. Both my kids have summer birthdays which I love because we can have the party outside !
I completely agree with you – it’s annoying. Especially when my 7 year old is a social butterfly and I’d rather be a hobbit. Not only that, but we won’t let our kids go to bday parties of kids we don’t know….unless we stay there with them, lurking in the corner. So yeah, basically I have to “forget” and be the bad guy, too. One day they’ll understand, right?!
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so real life right here…Blake doesn’t get invited. EVER. Teacher says everyone loves Blakes. He is kind and considerate of feelings. Makes friends with everyone. Everyone wants to hang out with him. Play with him at recess…but that’s it. The most of a connection that has ever been made at school. No birthday party invites. No best friend. Makes me sad. For him. We have even tried to encourage friends other than cousins…he’s hardly interested. I believe he just feels safer at home with his bathroom needs that are associated with his special needs. And, as sad as I am…there is that relief too that I don’t have to buy another birthday present! Kaia was a social butterfly. Maybe this is my reprieve! And, honestly I think it bothers me more than him.
Cousins only invited to his birthday parties. All 2 of them! He’s happiest that way. Totally content. I should learn from him.
This is the first year we are inviting non-family/school friends to Miss A’s birthday party. I’ve invited 7 of her ‘nearest and dearest’ from the school, and I’ve either chatted with or waved at the parents. As a social worker who makes home visits, I meet people Every. Single. Day. that I don’t know. And whose personal lives I roll around in. And whose personal business I have to talk about. I’m pretty much immune to the idle chit chat of moms on a playground because daily I have to talk to people I don’t know as part of my job.
That being said, my rule is ‘have a nice day’ when someone tells me who I’m inviting to my kids party. I paperclipped the invites to each kids’ signout sheet and called it even. My kid gets invites from kids we didn’t invite to her party. That happens. I’m the mom who will probably stay at the birthday party until it’s over, chaperone at the school dance, and follow my kid on dates while wearing camoflage and night vision goggles.
Of course, I only have one kid, so what do I know?
Cheers,
Caryl
wow! my little ones are not in school yet, but these are the kind of things that seriously make me consider home school. how do kids ever learn social skills or how to deal with disappointment, manners, feelings when everything is inclusive or everyone gets a trophy??? good grief! maybe you should run for the school board. :) and yes, saturdays are special for us as a family too. great post.
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They’re not supposed to pass out invites at my son’s school but since he spends part of his day in the special ed class, they do. There are 10 or less kids in the class so it’s not as obnoxious. We rarely go to the parties. If it’s a kid he talks about and at a place where I know he’ll have fun (no bouncy house party places, he hates bouncy houses) then I’ll make an exception. Last year at Mother’s Day Out my daughter didn’t get any invites. This year at a new MDO she has received two and she was extremely excited. None of our friends have kids her age so she felt special that she could go to a party without her brother. I took her to one which turned out to be the child of a man I went to school with-we’re talking grade school all the way through high school. What a shocker as we don’t live in my hometwon. The second one will be next week and we’ll probably go.
every single week thats crazy! yup i would do the same thing you do. Weekends are sacred!
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When my kids were small, before we homeschooled, they attended a really small private school. The teacher encouraged the parents to invite at least all of the boys or all of the girls to the parties, but that amounted to only about 7 or 8 kids. So it worked. In your shoes, I would do what you are doing. Sounds like way TOO MUCH party time for me. Too exhausting.
Thank you. Seriously. Someone who shares my general loathing of other kids’ bday parties. My 6 year old was recently invited to a SLUMBER party. For a child in the OTHER 1st grade class. I have no idea who this child is. Or more importantly, who her parents are! The worst part was trying to explain to my kiddo why her totally mean momma won’t drop her off at a strange house with strange people for 12 or so hours.
Also – even more awkward than having to make small talk with the other parents – being the ONLY parent that actually stays at the bday party. What is up with that?? Are bday parties a form of childcare? Last year, at my daughter’s 6th bday party at our house, I had one parent I had never met show up 30 minutes early, shove her kid in the front door and peel out of my driveway. Are parents that desperate for some alone time?? Sheesh.
Of course you all are invited to my little one’s 4th bday party next month. I expect you all to arrive right in the middle of a Saturday afternoon, awkwardly stand around and make conversation with the other mommys while the darlings have a private ballet lesson, then pretend that it’s the most amazing fete you have ever attended. :)
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Oh, my. I am SO with you! I hate having to go with them to the parties. I hate the chit-chat with people whom I don’t have room for in my life. A kids’ birthday party is one of Dante’s seven circles of hell, man. Thanks for writing about this!
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I agree 100%! I don’t invite the whole class and I don’t expect to get invited to all the kids parties in my kids class. It is too much & not necessary!
With you on this. I have 3 kids, 11, 10 & 8. They each have 2-3 “close friends” that I know, because they are always over here. If it’s not one of those kids we don’t go. Period. Too bad. They understand now (that they’re older maybe) and make their friend a card (if they want) to give to them on Monday. But no more! Once I had three birthday parties all on the same day in different spots! I was so grumpy. That’s when we started the “close friends only rule!”
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My daughter is 19yrs old now and very social always has been. I never invited the whole class I refused to do that . Plus who can afford it? . I mailed or emailed her invites and the parents told their children not to discuss it at school which of course was not always obeyed. BUT thats the way it goes unfortunately.. Life is full of disappointments and its sad that they learn this at a very young age. Anyway my daughter was very well liked and invited to way to many party’s which she mostly did not attend until she was older and it was more important to her, and she was old enough to be dropped off.
Unfortunately birthday parties snuck up on me before I had a chance to really establish a hard, fast rule. So my kids have gone to most of the parties that they’ve been invited to. It’s one of the ways that I’ve decided that they can enjoy some cake and fun activities and friend time without me having to provide it. We do have a fairly meager birthday present budget per party. I don’t feel bad about that. My kids don’t complain that their gifts are less impressive than anyone else’s. It’s all good. When it comes to my own kids’ parties, I do have a number limit. Early on I figured that birthday party invites/plates/napkins/etc. come in packages of 8. So I limit the number of invites to 7. I don’t want to have to buy more than one set of anything. The birthday party scene is definitely frustrating when it starts to feel like you have to do what all the others are doing. I try to stay away from that. It gets to be too much. I think the kids care less than the parents.
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