And here we go.

Tomorrow morning, bright and early, I head out with the two littlest ones to UCLA Medical Center.

Jilly will undergo extensive testing over the course of the next few days…ultimately to see if she is a candidate for brain surgery for her epilepsy.

Honestly, even though its only testing, I’m a mess.

Today was hard.

I cried.  More than once.

I’m not even really sure why.

The uncertainty of what the future holds for my girl?

The anxiety of how the next few days will play out?

How to mother the bitty boy and a girl hooked up to machines simultaneously?  (My mother in law will be there to help, but you know how it is…)

There is a part of me that just can’t stand that this is part of our lives.  That we have to do this at all.  That we even have to go.

And as soon as I type those words, I bite my tongue, and am ashamed.

We are blessed that this is even an option.

That we have the resources available to us.

That we have family to support us every step of the way.

That we have this silly, goofy little family.

Extras and all.

I love these dorky kids.

They make me happy even when I am being a pouty brat.

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jeannett
I'm a mom to four. A wife to one. I believe in story. I love telling you about mine and would love to hear yours. There's really no sense in wasting our suffering and not sharing in each other's joy. We're all in this together...even if it doesn't always feel like it.
jeannett
jeannett

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Comments

  1. 1

    Lifting you up in prayer.
    Kate @ Songs Kate Sang´s last blog post ..The Dream Captured | Anticipation of Awakening

  2. 2

    I don’t think you are being a pouty brat…I think it’s normal…so normal…to be afraid of even the suggestion of brain surgery. My son has Spina Bifida, and he’s had I think 15 surgeries now…and IT. NEVER. GETS. EASIER. And when it’s the brain…it’s just unknown and scary. But with knowledge comes a measure of peace..and I will pray for your family that with the testing and results you will find the peace…and the knowledge to know what is best for your sweetie pie.
    Tracy@Dear life from a mom of boys´s last blog post ..Spina Bifida day 23 Zachary’s Story

  3. 3

    Jilly’s face in that last picture is SOO cute!! Praying for you. God is with you wherever you go (even scary hospitals)!
    Cameo´s last blog post ..All Sons & Daughters

  4. 4

    Praying for your sweet family!! Such cute pictures!

  5. 5

    happy birthday. hoping for the best with the check up and good news.

  6. 6

    Your family is being lifted up in prayer. You are a rock star momma. . . I see the pics of your sweet family and it truly brings joy to my heart and tears to my eyes. You (by sharing your life and words on this blog) are touching more people than you realize. Praying!!
    Brittnie (A Joy Renewed)´s last blog post ..Clara’s first Connecticut vacation

  7. 7

    may the God of HOPE fill you with joy and peace as you trust in Him so that you may overflow with HOPE…

    praying for your family…
    laurie´s last blog post ..hope

  8. 8

    Will definitely pray for your family especially Jill today. And I don’t think you are being a brat. . I have a lot of those “why me” days when worrying about my special needs child. I don’t think anyone with a “normal” life realizes how easy they have it. Hugs.

  9. 9

    Parenting can be such a roller coaster. Sometimes not knowing the answers can seem easier than knowing–if that makes sense. In our experience, the answer has often been what we didn’t want to hear. Even though it wasn’t what we hoped for there still comes some relief because though it may be hard, we know that eventually it will lead to better qualify of life for our son. Shortly after our daughters first birthday we left her with grandparents for two weeks to take our son 1200 miles to another state for medical testing. It was a very difficult decision but one we knew was right. Sometimes the best decisions are the hardest and most gut-wrenching. I will be thinking of your family this week and remembering you in my prayers.

  10. 10

    Crying is normal. This is an extremely stressful situation.

  11. 11

    praying…. and seriously, your outlook on life, its so real, so refreshing, so honest, its life and its beautiful. thank you for sharing and letting us love and lift up your family. you rock! you guys can do this!
    Rachel R Adams´s last blog post ..lead me

  12. 12

    I’ll be praying for you and your babes while you’re waiting and testing and waiting and juggling it all.
    Lisa Quick´s last blog post ..sniffles

  13. 13

    Thinking of you today! many prayers and good ju-ju being sent your way….

  14. 14

    Hi jeannett,

    hoping for all the best. We will be praying for you and your family.
    Lala´s last blog post ..Weekend Fun

  15. 15

    prayers for you! God, give Jeannett your peace that passes understanding as she trusts in you with Jilly’s care. You see her tears, please comfort her during this trip to the UCLA medical center. // Phil. 4:6-7
    Anne´s last blog post ..Instructions for the End of the World: Pray. Love. Share.

  16. 16

    Praying for you Mama! And your sweet girl!!
    Candace´s last blog post ..Chocolate Chip Pumpkin Squares

  17. 17

    I can’t even imagine the stress that you’ve got going on right now. Saying a special prayer for you and your family during the next few days!
    Courtney Kirkland´s last blog post ..Take it all in…

  18. 18

    You’re not a pouty brat, you’re just scared for your girl. And who wouldn’t be? Prayers and hugs.
    XO
    Caryl

  19. 19

    Praying for you guys. You’re not a pouty brat you are an awesome mama.

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