Don’t Try This At Home

Last week, I was reminded of a quote I saw that said something like “Owning a fancy camera does not make you a photographer”.

I am a slacker, and didn’t plan ahead for nice newborn photos of the O Man.  Because, you know, I had no advance notice that I was having a baby or anything.

I thought I’d try to fake a newborn photo shoot…not because I thought I could really pull it off, but in the hopes that maybe I might accidentally snap something cute enough to include with birth announcements.

Clearly I’m delusional.

If you learn nothing at all from me, let it be this:

Newborn photography is 1,000 times harder than it looks.  Pay the pros.  They are worth every single penny.

I mean, they don’t move…how hard can it be, right?


First of all, it seems that I feel the need for everyone to stare up my poor kid’s nostrils.  And I somehow made him look like a turtle or something.

Because just about every shot was at this angle.  And I have no idea why that is.

But I’m pretty sure Owen wasn’t a fan of my photographic adventures.

Seriously Mom?  You thought getting lower would help?

This is humiliating.

Think of a happy place.

Like a land made of milk.

It was about here that he peed all over my bedspread.

Great idea Mom.

Show off my back fat.

Because that’s not embarrassing or anything.

Oh look, now I’m a mini mummy.

I’ll just pretend to be asleep.

Maybe it’ll be over faster.

Okay, so this one isn’t so terribly bad.

But it’s still not the delicious ohhh inducing baby pics the pros can get.

And he’s still kinda King Tut-esque.

And then I tried un-swaddling him since he hates it anyway.  (My other kids LOVED being swaddled…this guy notsomuch.)

Here you can see him signing how much he loves me.


And then I thought I’d try the quintessential baby-in-a-basket look.

Clearly O wasn’t into this.

It was at this point that Andy walked in the room and said “Poor guy.  This is embarrassing.  I feel like I need to rescue him and take him into the garage and do something manly with him to make up for this lameness.  Why is he in a basket anyway???”

Boys.  They don’t get it.

I did manage to get this picture…which is kinda cute.  Not perfect, but cute.

Except that I don’t know Photoshop well enough to fiddle and get the colors all perfect and his skin all flawless and such.

That and he pooped as soon as I snapped this picture.

Super pleasant.

My favorite.

This kid smiles in his sleep CONSTANTLY.

I know that “they” say it’s just gas.

But Portuguese old wives tales say that when a baby smiles in his sleep, the angels are talking to him.

I like that better.

So I go with it.

Lucky for me, and Owen, a professional photographer came over a few days later and took real pictures.

I should keep my day job.

Which is being a Milk Machine for now.



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I'm a mom to four. A wife to one. I believe in story. I love telling you about mine and would love to hear yours. There's really no sense in wasting our suffering and not sharing in each other's joy. We're all in this together...even if it doesn't always feel like it.

Latest posts by jeannett (see all)


  1. 1

    If I could put your post on a billboard I would. He’s a beautiful guy. Yes, it’s really hard.

    darcy´s last blog post ..A Photoshoot with My Own

  2. 2

    Darling little man…and an awesome post!

  3. 3

    That was hilarious !

  4. 4

    I tried my hand at Newborn Portraiture one time. It’s way harder than it looks. Way, way, way harder. Needless to say, I’ve already booked a photographer to do our Newborn session. I’m not even going to attempt it with my own child.
    Courtney Kirkland´s last blog post ..Little Bitty Toys Review & Giveaway

  5. 5

    I know the feeling. It takes so much practice, and how often do we have a newborn to snap photos of?? Only short whiles. You did pretty good once you got away from the up the nostril shots, though. :)
    Heather´s last blog post ..On Bedtime Routines After Being Sick

  6. 6

    I think even the pro’s need a few tries before they get it right. I tried a couple newborn shoots before I remembered- “Hey! I don’t LIKE babies and they don’t LIKE me, What the heck am I doing?!?!”
    Tara Denny´s last blog post ..Call me, in pink- now available in my ETSY shop.

  7. 7

    you have such a great sense of humor and I so love how you write it out!!

    I also like the old wives tale that Angels are talking to babies when they sleep – i SO believe that! Who wouldn’t want to talk to a baby!

    super cute baby as are all of you kiddos!

  8. 8

    I laughed out loud at the end. Especially where he smiled.
    Amy Hunt´s last blog post ..beyond

  9. 9

    You are so right, photography is hard. Whenever I take pictures I think are so great I compare them to my brothers (professional) and I remember why he takes them. :) Your little man is adorable no matter what though. :)

  10. 10

    Omgoodness I love the rolls and you’re also hilarious. I was actually gunna text you today saying I was having blog post withdraws and you needed to get on it. But obvs we have sister mind reading skills (; love you all and can’t wait to see you again.

  11. 11

    Your little guys is so cute. I love this post and laughed because it hit home. My son only had one infant picture session because he was in the NICU then he was home but couldn’t be in public while waiting on open heart surgery. When we adopted our daughter I was just too exhausted to mess with a photographer so I tried to recreate some of the pictures I loved from when my son had his baby pictures. Big fat fail! I used this pink fuzzy blanket and she looked like a pink mummy with a bow. Awful! You won’t find any of those pictures gracing our walls. I did get one picture with both my kids that day and it was chosen to be on the Times Square JumboTron for the NYC Buddy Walk, so they weren’t all total duds.

  12. 12

    You little one is so cute. The photos are maybe not perfect but in two months when he is already twice as big (you know that happens way too fast!) they will be priceless nonetheless.
    How funny that in Portugal you say that the smiling babies are talking to the angels. In France (where I am originally from), we say that they are smiling to the angels (sourire aux anges)…pretty close :)

  13. 13

    He’s still a cutie. I laughed at your husband, sounds like mine. He’d understand, but have the same attitude. Priceless.

  14. 14

    Oh my goodness, he is so precious! And that last picture….it should be on the cover of a Hallmark card! :-)

  15. 15

    I almost peed my pants laughing at all your picture commentary!
    my husband doesn’t get the basket thing either. we saw a friends newborn pics and he was like why is that baby sleeping in basket?! Men…

  16. 16

    You crack me up! I had to keep from laughing out loud as to not wake up my own newborn in the room. Your pictures turned out great! I’ve always wanted to be able to take pics like a pro, but have given in to hiring one! Thanks for sharing you wit ( and beautiful baby boy)!

  17. 17

    they are all great pictures!! i love them!

  18. 18

    I. Can. Totally. Relate!

  19. 19

    Hilarious. The pictures in my head are always mo bettah than the ones that come out of my camera lol I’m using picasso now – free download, and it’s easier than photoshop. When I grow up, I’ll find my lighthouse (light box? Lightsomethingorother?) photo editing software that I have around here somewhere….

  20. 20

    Ha! The cuteness of that sweet little Owen boy…sigh. I love the rolls and the I love you sign! So adorable.

  21. 21

    Oh goodness. That first picture looks like he’s mimicking Lucy’s elvis smirk/grin!

  22. 22

    Beautiful photos, and I love that saying about the angels!!!!!!!!!!
    Susi´s last blog post ..The photo gallery has a sense of humour..

  23. 23

    laurie´s last blog post ..doing the impossible

  24. 24

    You are hilarious! ALWAYS laugh at your commentaries..haha
    LOVE the wives tail. I love when you share Portuguese stuff since my grandparents are gone and there was so much that I didn’t learn from them ;( My grandma did teach me a few words though. I can smell her making sweet bread right now :)
    And LOVE his back rolls..yum!

  25. 25

    Beyond adorable. I think they’re all great!
    Kerry @ Made For Real´s last blog post ..On social graces…

  26. 26

    I think these are super cute!! And your post was super entertaining :) Thanks for sharing!
    Linda´s last blog post ..London 2012: USA gymnastics!

  27. 27

    that made me laugh. Your photos remind me of the ones that I took of my own kids. Of course that was before everyone and their sister was a photographer with a website and sneek peeks on facebook. So much pressure now.
    Thanks for sharing.
    Anne @ anne b. good´s last blog post ..Things I need to remember to tell my girls {8-14}