Last week, I was reminded of a quote I saw that said something like “Owning a fancy camera does not make you a photographer”.
I am a slacker, and didn’t plan ahead for nice newborn photos of the O Man. Because, you know, I had no advance notice that I was having a baby or anything.
I thought I’d try to fake a newborn photo shoot…not because I thought I could really pull it off, but in the hopes that maybe I might accidentally snap something cute enough to include with birth announcements.
Clearly I’m delusional.
If you learn nothing at all from me, let it be this:
Newborn photography is 1,000 times harder than it looks. Pay the pros. They are worth every single penny.
I mean, they don’t move…how hard can it be, right?
First of all, it seems that I feel the need for everyone to stare up my poor kid’s nostrils. And I somehow made him look like a turtle or something.
Because just about every shot was at this angle. And I have no idea why that is.
But I’m pretty sure Owen wasn’t a fan of my photographic adventures.
Seriously Mom? You thought getting lower would help?
This is humiliating.
Think of a happy place.
Like a land made of milk.
It was about here that he peed all over my bedspread.
Great idea Mom.
Show off my back fat.
Because that’s not embarrassing or anything.
Oh look, now I’m a mini mummy.
I’ll just pretend to be asleep.
Maybe it’ll be over faster.
Okay, so this one isn’t so terribly bad.
But it’s still not the delicious ohhh inducing baby pics the pros can get.
And he’s still kinda King Tut-esque.
And then I tried un-swaddling him since he hates it anyway. (My other kids LOVED being swaddled…this guy notsomuch.)
Here you can see him signing how much he loves me.
And then I thought I’d try the quintessential baby-in-a-basket look.
Clearly O wasn’t into this.
It was at this point that Andy walked in the room and said “Poor guy. This is embarrassing. I feel like I need to rescue him and take him into the garage and do something manly with him to make up for this lameness. Why is he in a basket anyway???”
Boys. They don’t get it.
I did manage to get this picture…which is kinda cute. Not perfect, but cute.
Except that I don’t know Photoshop well enough to fiddle and get the colors all perfect and his skin all flawless and such.
That and he pooped as soon as I snapped this picture.
This kid smiles in his sleep CONSTANTLY.
I know that “they” say it’s just gas.
But Portuguese old wives tales say that when a baby smiles in his sleep, the angels are talking to him.
I like that better.
So I go with it.
Lucky for me, and Owen, a professional photographer came over a few days later and took real pictures.
I should keep my day job.
Which is being a Milk Machine for now.