Why Didn’t God Heal My Baby? – Wendy Hagen {infant loss/miscarriage}

Today’s guest blogger is a real live celebrity.

Not just a bloggy celebrity, but a she’s-been-on-television-type-of-celebrity!!!

Lassie, Scott Baio, and Mark-Paul Gosselaar.  There’s even a little vintage Leo in there.  1980′s goodness.

Annnnnd…Wendy’s wrote a book. Like a real one. On paper and with a glossy cover and everything.

I’ve met Wendy once in real life.  So we’re basically BFF’s now, right?  Totally.

And I adore Wendy.

Because you know what makes here even cooler than any of her crazy Hollywood adventures?

That she has the most awesome sense of humor and can weave the love of God into any situation seamlessly.

Wendy is wise.  She knows what’s up.  Read on.  Take notes.  This is the good stuff.

{If you are new here, this post is a part of a series on infant loss/miscarriage.  Read more here.  Do you have your own story of loss to share?  Go here.}

* * * *

Eight-and-a-half years ago God did not heal my baby. Instead, she died in her daddy’s arms when she was a mere 4 days old. Why?

When I was five months pregnant we found out our daughter had Trisomy 13 and would probably not make it to birth. In an instant we went from excitement to devastation. We went from praying for the health of our unborn baby to pleading with God to heal our daughter.

The story of our daughter Faith is actually a long, amazing, beautiful, sad, encouraging, God-filled story. If you are interested in reading more you can go to my baby Faith Blog. We were blessed to have her with us for four days and then she ditched us for heaven. God showed up in incredible, unforgettable ways. But he did not take away my daughter’s major defects or fix her chromosomes. He did not heal her. Why?

Fast forward five years later (2007) . . .
My husband and I have two healthy kids. I am not bitter, but rather so grateful for our experience with baby Faith. Ironically, during our time with Faith, I experienced God’s presence and love more than I have at any other time in my life. But five years later several women are brought into my life (real life and over the internet) who are pregnant with sick babies. And they are fervently praying for God to heal their babies. They are trusting and believing that God will heal their babies. They are bordering on prosperity teaching or name-it-and-claim-it theology, which I am not down with. But nevertheless, they are looking for healing. And so am I. God, why are you not healing these little ones? God if you can heal, then why don’t you? Why have I never witnessed a healing? Why do I hear about healings second and third hand and why do they mostly seem to occur in third world countries?

All this lack of healing stuff sent me into a season of doubt. It was causing me to read the Bible with heightened skepticism. I started questioning a lot of stuff. And then God showed up to show me that He is legit and he does heal. I am just not going to understand the ins and outs of it. You know, cuz he’s God. And I’m not. And I just don’t get to see the big picture right now.

Fast forward another year (2008) . . .

 

I’m pregnant with Jordis (who is now 2 1/2 years old). At 34 weeks pregnant my platelet count begins to drop just as it had with my previous pregnancies. It is a condition called Thrombocytopenia. Say it fast 10 times. Historically, my platelets (blood clotters) would drop each week until I had to go on Prednisone. A steriod. Prednisone is the only known way to get the platelets to stabilize. Believe me, I researched to see if chocolate milkshakes or wheat grass or naps or skydiving or watching The Biggest Loser could bring those puppies up. Nope. No other way.

For various reasons, this time around I really did not want to go on the steroids. And it wasn’t because of my mustache or huge biceps or anything like that so don’t let your mind run wild. So before my doctor’s appointment I ask God to stabilize my platelets: God, you know I am doubting you. You know I want to see you heal someone. A big healing. But for now, could you just do this small one? I need this. I need this for my faith. Lord I believe, help me with my unbelief. When I go to this appointment, let my platelet count be the same as last time. No decrease.

I show up to the appointment with my OBGYN. My OBGYN who delivered baby Faith and came to her memorial service (on his day off) so he is familiar with my Jesus stuff.

“Well, Wendy I don’t know what happened here, but your platelet count actually went up!”

“I know what happened!!! God did that!” I didn’t have to go on steroids. God healed my Thrombocytopenia. Then I went on to explain to my doctor how I had been in a season of doubt, and I prayed and . . .

“Well, I have some other patients who are on the steroids and they aren’t even working. I’m going to have to tell them to pray!”

Out with the doubt. In with excitement.

I still have not figured out the whole healing thing. But I have figured it out enough. I still don’t know why God didn’t heal my daughter. I don’t know why God didn’t heal your baby or spare you from miscarriage. But I know He cares. I know He loves you and me specifically – not just as a face in the crowd. There is no formula to get your baby healed, but I know that He still does heal. In fact, he just healed my friend Debbie Alsdorf of heart disease.


I know God showed up for me. He will do the same for you. Don’t know how or when. May not be how you expect or when you expect, but He’s coming. Keep seeking Him. Keep asking.

* * * *

The day Wendy emailed her post to me, I typed back: “I needed this today.  Thought I was over my miscarriage, but apparently not.  Boo.”

Her response: “That’s Gods specific love for you. Cuz I have a lot on my plate right now. Why did I put your blog post at the top of my list for last night even though you said I had until Saturday? God did that for you.”

God’s specific love for you.

Hit me like a sledgehammer.  True words.  Awesome.

In conjunction with this series of beautiful stories, we also fundraise for the Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep Foundation.

NILMDTS offers free professional photography to families grieving the loss of babies with gorgeous images to keep forever.

I can’t imagine how precious those images are.  I can’t imagine how helpful they would be in the healing process.

Please consider giving.  Even $1.  $5.  It doesn’t have to be a huge amount.

 

 

 

 

 

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jeannett
I'm a mom to four. A wife to one. I believe in story. I love telling you about mine and would love to hear yours. There's really no sense in wasting our suffering and not sharing in each other's joy. We're all in this together...even if it doesn't always feel like it.
jeannett
jeannett

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Comments

  1. 1

    bawling. what a beautiful {and funny} story of His provision for us. i don’t know the reason we don’t see major healings here…is it because he’s blessed us with soooo much here already? the miracle of the best medical care in the world? i so don’t know. but it’s on my list to ask Him someday.
    purejoy´s last blog post ..stream of consciousness

    • 2

      Honestly, I think we DO see miracles here…but we explain them away. What brought little Johnny back was the medicine…the fancy machines…the amazing team of doctors…the airbags…the seatbelts…the…name it. I think that either God PROVIDED those things to us as blessings/miracles…or that without God’s provision/miracles those airbags could have failed, or the hands of those doctors could have slipped. When you live in absolute poverty, you don’t have “logical explanations” to explain it away. You don’t have “technology” to be the “REAL” reason.
      I believe Miracles happen all around us…we just don’t see them as such. :)
      jeannett´s last blog post ..Why Didn’t God Heal My Baby – Wendy Hagen infant loss-miscarriage

    • 3

      I agree. I think we are blinded by our “wealth.” Not always the case, but often.
      Wendy Hagen´s last blog post ..Why Didnt God Heal my Baby

  2. 4

    Wow. What a powerful testimony! Thank you for sharing it with us. God is good. All the time. Even when we don’t understand it.
    Kelly´s last blog post ..Maybe- Maybe Not

  3. 6

    Thank you for sharing your story. It saddens me that so many of us go through these losses and I often wonder too why God doesn’t always heal. I remind myself that His thoughts are not my thoughts and His ways are not my ways. He knows what He’s doing and He doesn’t owe me an explanation. Although I would like one sometimes!

    • 7

      Yes, His ways are not ours and sometimes I think mine would be better :)
      That’s where faith comes in and I am often weak in it. Hard to understand suffering sometimes even with all the logical-type explanations .
      Wendy Hagen´s last blog post ..Why Didnt God Heal my Baby

  4. 8

    Crazy how God works. I have been considering volunteering for MILMDTS as a photographer, BUT, I had decided that with my miscarriage of twins last October, that I just couldn’t do it. But God has put it on my heart again and here it is, just looking at me in the face… time to go fill out that application. It’s not our strength but His anyways, right?!
    Kate @ Songs Kate Sang´s last blog post ..I Heart Faces Photo Challenge Yellow

  5. 10

    I love that phrase. God’s specific love for you. Those tender mercies are always so amazing.

  6. 12

    Wendy is pretty awesome, isn’t she? I am so sorry for your loss. Any loss is so hard to wrap your brain around, but the loss of a child is something no parent should ever have to endure. Blessings to you as you heal.

  7. 14

    wow…I am sobbing. Never had a loss like this , {I had early miscarriages } but i do know someone who has had a late loss and its just heartbreaking to even think about it. Wendy puts into words what so many cannot. God bless her and her family on their journey.

  8. 16

    Interesting story.Thanks for your sharing.You’so happy because You have your children finally.Believe in God and He will bless us
    van025´s last blog post ..Start Your GMAT Test Prep Early and Study Consistently

  9. 17

    I’ve been to your blog before, but I’m thinking you’ve since had a makeover. I found you *again* on the BlogSugar blog (SO excited for this event!) and am so glad I did. I love your blog. I LOVE this series. I LOVE, love this post. So true. God’s timing is ALWAYS perfect. Thank you BOTH for this beautiful reminder.

  10. 18

    Meagan,
    Thanks for reading. His timing is perfect. I wish I could remember that all the time :)
    Wendy Hagen´s last blog post ..What I Wore Every Day