If you are new here, this post is part of a series on infant loss/miscarriage.
Every Monday a different blogger will share her story and journey. Subscribe here if you’d like to follow along in the coming weeks.
Julie is a bloggy friend that is now an “in real life” friend.
I don’t know how I would have made it through my own miscarriage without her sweet words of encouragement.
The following post was originally published in April 2010.
With Julie’s permission I am re-publishing it.
It’s too beautiful and poignant to not include it in this series.
* * * *
It was a happy normal day.
I had been contracting all weekend.
The ladies at bible study were giving me tips on how to jumpstart labor.
I had my last OB appointment that afternoon.
The clothes were washed.
The room was painted.
The crib was built.
The suitcase was packed.
The carseat was safely buckled in the back of our car.
We were ready.
But in fact, we were far from ready.
Not ready in any sense of the word.
Not ready to hear the words “there is no heartbeat.”
Not ready for the dark and scary road that suddenly was in front of us.
The road we were forced to suddenly walk.
A road where babies die.
Where arms are empty.
Where planning a memorial and choosing a casket are part of the journey.
Two days later I gave birth to our 6lb. 8oz. daughter
Our daughter that we would never see take her first steps.
Graduate from high school.
Have children of her own.
Everything we planned, everything we knew, changed that day.
We were parents without a child.
Grieving for a future that we would not see.
Dreams that would not come true.
Our hearts broke that day.
We became different people.
What we did not realize is that we became better people.
People who have more strength than we ever imagined.
Love more fully.
Long for heaven like nothing else.
That day I never would have imagined the legacy that Joy’s short life would leave.
The people who have been changed and encouraged.
The mother that I am now is an entirely different one than I would have been without Joy.
Every day is a gift.
Every moment is precious.
I am abundantly blessed.
With my three sweet girls here on earth and with my sweet girl in heaven.
My daughter that I will see again.
I realize now that the months of mourning and grieving are just the dark brushstrokes on the beautiful, wonderful painting that is my life.
The painting that is still so much a mystery, but a wonderful masterpiece that will all make perfect sense when it is completed.
I simply cannot wait for that day.
* * * *
This series is not just a litany of stories.
My goal is that it helps heal. Encourage. Glorify.
In conjunction with this series, we are also supporting one another in love by fundraising for the Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep Foundation.
“The Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep Foundation (NILMDTS) administers a network of more than 7,000 volunteer photographers in the United States and 25 countries. At a family’s request, a NILMDTS Affiliated Photographer will come to your hospital or hospice location and conduct a sensitive and private portrait session. The portraits are then professionally retouched and presented to the families on an archival DVD or CD that can be used to print portraits of their cherished baby.”
Join us in giving. Every dollars counts. Don’t think your portion isn’t enough.