I have a new boyfriend.
In fact, if things continue going along so well, we might just get married.
I’ll tell you all about Sid, but the story begins with Harold.
Harold wasn’t really a boyfriend.
We just kinda worked together.
I didn’t really like him, but I figured I should use his services while I could.
I mean, really…he wasn’t perfect…he was annoying…he didn’t do that great a job…he was old…but…
he was THERE.
So Harold and I had this weird relationship…kind of a “well, why not?” sort of thing.
But the thing was…after a while Harold died.
Yeah. Died.
Dead.
Kaput.
Gone.
He up and keeled over on me.
At first, I didn’t care.
It was cool.
I didn’t really like him all that much anyway, remember?
Evs.
But after about a week or two…
I started to miss Harold.
Like, really miss Harold.
I often found myself wishing he was still around.
Being angry about his death.
Frustrated.
Sad.
I may have even cried once.
So, I did what any self respecting woman would do…
I got a new boyfriend.
A brand, spanking new boyfriend.
Sid.
In case you are wondering, my husband totally knows about Harold and Sid.
And he’s totally fine with it.
Because, you see, Harold and Sid…
are vacuums.
Not just any old vacuum.
A Roomba.
I got Harold at a yard sale for $25.
I found it largely ridiculous that I was buying a robotic vacuum.
I mean, really???
How lazy can you be?
But for $25 it was worth a shot.
Harold was loud.
He was bulky.
He took forever.
He didn’t really pick up everything.
His multiple storage units were tiny and a pain to empty.
Harold was annoying.
But, I got into a routine of setting Harold to work in my kitchen after breakfast as I headed to do my “upstairs chores”.
That way, I didn’t have to listen to him.
When Harold died, I was mildly sad but figured I’d just go back to good old fashioned sweeping.
No biggie.
Right?
Until I realized…wait…that whole vacuum-does-your-work-while-you-get-other-stuff-done thing was pretty rad.
(I have two Golden Retrievers and three kids. My floors are always filthy.)
And one day, as the sun shined through my doorway…and illuminated ev.er.y.sin.gle dog hair on my floor, I about had a panic attack.
No, I actually HAD a panic attack.
I ran upstairs, searched for a deal, and bought myself a new one.
I was a woman on a mission.
SID!
Oh, Sid!
How I love thee!
I could write Haikus in your honor.
Quieter.
Quicker.
Bigger storage.
He even goes back home to re-charge for his next duty by himself.
Go home, Sid! Go home!
And my all-time favorite feature:
I can program him to vacuum WHILE I AM SLEEPING!!!
3 a.m. every day Sid does his duty while the family sleeps.
Every day I wake up to nice, clean, no dog hair, no crumbs floors.
Don’t miss the fact that MY ENTIRE FIRST FLOOR IS VACUUMED WHILE I AM DROOLING ON MYSELF.
Margot brews the coffee. Sid vaccuums. Harriett does the dishes.
All while I get some shut eye.
It’s really the little things folks.
Apparently it doesn’t take much for me, does it?
Wait…what was that…?
You find it weird that I name my appliances?
Hmmm.
I figure that if boys can name their…um…parts…it shouldn’t be any stranger that I name my robotic, magical, programmable, amazing appliances.
And yes, I really do call him Sid.
You’d name your Roomba if you had one too.
For Christmas I’m really eyeing Sid’s sister Sally.
*
{In case you are wondering, my flooring is tile and wood. I have no idea how he works on carpet. And no, I’m not getting one red cent from iRobot.}
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MY ENTIRE FIRST FLOOR IS VACUUMED WHILE I AM DROOLING ON MYSELF.
I lol’d, and read this to my mom (who is visiting) and she lol’d. I used to have a Roomba, but he died and I haven’t been able to talk myself into shelling out for another one. You may have sent me over the edge.
Jodi´s last blog post ..One Minute with Matthew
Love. Seriously. Too Good.
You should convince iRobot to give you a few red cents after this one. If only you had experience with this thing on carpet. Looks like this one might make it onto the Christmas list.
For realsies?? *I* have messy kid and a golden retriever. *I* have hair all over my wood floors that makes me stop and sob every once in a while. This might be the most life changing post I’ve ever read. I’m updating my Christmas list right now.
PS. Ever tried a furminator? They work. Don’t pay $40 though, go to ebay and get a new one for $15… and then pretend that your new-in-package $15 dog brush wasn’t something crazy like counterfeit or stolen goods. ;)
Anna´s last blog post ..Maybe I should have knocked on wood
I love Roomba! We have 2 of them (technically only needed 1, but how could we resist when the 2nd was on sale?) Don’t you just adore their triumphant music when they’re all done cleaning?
You’re going to think I’m a dope…but who is Bradley Cooper?? :p
Lamb´s last blog post ..I Spent Over 6 Hours Working On This Post!
I think you’re the first person I’ve heard say GOOD things about these vacuums. Good to know, since I also have wood floors and mucho pet hair issues. Last year, my in-laws bought me a Dyson for my birthday and I seriously use it every day, sometimes twice. So I’m already in love, but that whole vacuuming while you sleep thing sounds heavenly.
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Lamb…Oh, Lamb…
Bradley Cooper is only the sexiest man alive. Even my husband agrees. Google him.
jeannett´s last blog post ..Meet My New Boyfriend- Sid
my washing machine is called WILBUR ~ we were spending so much time together he just had to have a name. and i don’t know bradley cooper either. off to google him.
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I would LOVE to have one of these! But instead I have to rely on Cheyenne to do it. She is my teen daughter! lol If only they would come up with a mopping version of the Roomba…I would Definitely be sold!
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i guess i’m not the only one who blogs about these things! http://www.scrapbook-society.com/2010/06/ta-da-i-have-clean-floors.html
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Oh! Now I really want one. I have 4 boys, 3 cats, 2 dogs, I may need 3 Sids.
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